


Guardian Angel

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Boys Kissing, Boys' Love, Declarations Of Love, Drama, Eating Disorders, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Guardian Angels, Homosexuality, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Multi, Niam - Freeform, References to Suicide, Romance, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Teen Romance, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings, larry stylinson - Freeform, one direction - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-10-07
Updated: 2012-11-16
Packaged: 2017-11-15 20:10:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 22,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/531217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One Direction have split up. One former member of the iconic band is thinking of taking his own life - until someone shows up to change his mind.<br/>Contains Larry and Niam.</p><p>This fanfiction is based on a role-play between me (soarinwolf) and Ice Cream.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Give me love, ma-ma-ma, give me love..." Louis sung to himself as he was standing on the edge of London Bridge, looking down at the dark water. The wind flew through his quiff and goose bumps covered his arms. He was sure of this; there wasn't anything worth living for anymore. One Direction was over and Harry had moved away with Nick. 

Louis fiddled a little with his phone, pondering if he should call a one last call to his family and friends but decided that he wouldn't. He had changed so much since the start of One Direction and now he just wanted to end it. His chest was hurting so much because Harry didn't want him anymore, or so he believed...

Harry hadn't intended for any of this to happen. He hadn't become involved with Nick. He'd simply needed some space. He was pondering this as he walked along the beautiful waterfront. He'd just returned from his visit yesterday. To Harry's surprise, he thought he could make out someone standing at the edge of the bridge. He walked forwards, wondering what was going on. And then a jolt of horror shot down to his stomach. He saw Louis.

Louis drew a shaky breath as the cold wind blew through his quiff once again; in fact, it blew all over his body. He thought of the first day when he had met Harry, in the toilets. How they had smiled at each other and talked about X-factor and how happy they were... 

Louis shook his head, trying to erase the memories that went through his head. He threw his phone to the side of the bridge; it slid away a couple of inches.  
"All that is over now..." he whispered to himself.

Harry ran forwards. "Louis! What are you doing?" he yelled.

Louis jerked and stared at the side. "Harry?" he thought and laughed emptily to himself. It was just his brain confusing him. Harry wasn't even there. Harry was with Nick. A couple of ice cold tears made their way out of Louis eyes. He started wobbling a bit as his feet almost lost their grip on the edge.

"Louis!" Harry screamed. He ran as fast as he could, closing the gap between him and Louis.

"No Harry." Louis said to what he thought was an illusion. He gripped the sides of his body and wobbled a bit more, almost losing his balance.

“Louis, whatever you're playing at, I want you to stop now," Harry said, his voice shaking.

Louis chuckled and shook his head, reaching out his hand to Harry, though for him Harry faded away in front of him.   
"I knew you always were something from a dream. A dream that faded away." he murmured to himself.

"Louis, don't jump. I'm not a dream. I'm here right now, and I love you. I don't want you to leave me. Please stay with me." Harry was starting to cry by this point.

"Why not jump? The water is the only thing that will ever love me for real, to accept me for who I am... Cause you, you went with Nick and left me, and now I'm just nothing anymore..." Louis said, tears streaming down his face.

"You're not nothing. You'll never be nothing. You don't need me to be something. You're the most amazing person I know. I wish I could be half as great as you are. Don't jump, because if you do, I will. And I can't jump. So you can't either."

Louis shook his head. "I will be jumping now. Tell me one reason to stay? There is none... Not anymore..."

“Because you love me. And you can't leave me here alone. I'm not ready to be in this world without you. I never will be. If you won't do it for yourself, do it for me," Harry pleaded, tears in his eyes.

"My heart is against your chest, your lips pressed to my neck...." Louis sung quietly, quoting Ed Sheeran and shook his head when he remembered how he and Harry had sung that song together. "You're not really here... Cause I can't see you..."

"Louis. Louis, I'm scared now. You're scaring me. Please. I love you. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. I didn't do anything with Nick. He's just a friend. I needed space and he said I could come and stay. You've got to believe me," Harry said, tears rolling down his cheeks as he slowly closed in on Louis.

"Hold me..." Louis whispered, his voice pleading, but he suddenly wobbled and fell down the edge right into the ice cold water. Louis screamed on his way down into the cold water, the water struck him like thousands bolts of lightning with its coldness. He lost his consciousness when he plunged underwater.

"Louis!" Harry screamed, trying to grab onto him. He was shaking so much that he could scarcely do anything. But somehow, in that split second, he did something he would never have thought he would ever do. He grabbed out his phone and dialled 999. Every fibre of his being wanted to jump in after Louis, but somehow his brain was coherent enough to tell him to do the sensible thing. He was crying and shaking so much he could barely press the keys, but he managed it.  
"Hello, I'm at...London Bridge," he said into the phone, trembling. "Please come. A boy...he's in the water. I don't know if he'll make it. Hurry!" The ambulance people told him they'd be on their way but said he should stay on the line. Frightened, he obeyed.

Louis went in and out of consciousness during his time in the angry and cold water. Every time he woke up he thought he saw Harry in front of him, and every time he did, his face lit up like the sun only to fade away when Harry disappeared once again. 

"London Bridge. A boy's jumped in. Come quick!" He repeated himself. He was shaking so much he could hardly get the words out.

"We are coming as soon as we can, and stay on the line. Do you see him?" the ambulance people asked.

"Yes," Harry choked out.

"Is he under water?" The ambulance people asked.

"Yes!" Harry screamed. "Just hurry!" He started hyper-ventilating. "He can't die! No!" he wheezed. "Help him!"

"Calm down sir." the ambulance people on the other side of the line replied and sirens screamed as two ambulances came driving on the bridge. 

Harry felt so drained and completely in shock. He felt himself fade out of consciousness and collapsed. An ambulance worker caught him and helped him into one of the ambulances and enveloped him in a shock blanket while trying to wake him up. Other ambulance workers made the quickest way down to the shore.  
Through his hazy state, he thought he could make out some of the ambulance crew loading someone's body onto a stretcher. He felt too weak to do anything, but fear stabbed his heart when he could see Louis.

The ambulances started driving to the hospital and the workers were trying to warm Louis up and get the water out of him. Harry was taken to the hospital as well, where he was treated for shock. All the time, he made incoherent mutterings about how he had to see Louis.

When Harry's treating was finished and he had restored a little, they let him go to Louis since he wouldn't stop chattering about it. Harry made his way into the room, still white as a sheet. He let out a gasp when he saw Louis lying in bed.  
A nurse was with Harry in case something should happen. 

"We just managed to take all water from him" she said softly and patted Harry's shoulder gently.

“Will...will he be okay?" Harry whispered trying to choke back tears.

"We hope so; we have to wait until he wakes up though. What happened out there?" she asked. Louis face was pale white.

"He tried to kill..." Harry gulped. "He tried to commit suicide." He burst into tears.

"Do you know why?" she asked and frowned. "Wait... Aren't you? You are Harry Styles and he is Louis Tomlinson!" she said, suddenly recognizing both of them.

"Yeah," he said, wiping his tears. "He...thinks I don't love him. He thinks I cheated on him. I didn't. I just went to stay with a friend. I didn't do anything with him."

"How come he believed that?" she asked and helped Harry to sit down on a chair  
next to Louis bed.

"I don't know. I'd been friends with the guy for a while. I guess he thought something else was going on. He's so insecure. I don't think he really ever believed I'd stay with him," Harry poured out.

“Why do you think he wouldn't believe that? How come he is so insecure?" she asked softly.

The machines attached to Louis suddenly whirred loudly.

"What's happening?" Harry said, panicking.

"No they are just helping him to breathe. It is alright." she said softly and looked at Louis concerned sleeping face.

Harry settled down a little. "Why do you think he wouldn't believe that? I think it's because he doesn't think he's worth it. Maybe it's the fame. That seemed to change him. But he's always been fragile."

She nodded pondering for a bit. "It’s sad. He should be glad you were there to save him. I'm sure he will be glad as soon as he woke up..."

"When will he wake up?" Harry said, panic setting into his voice. "He will wake up; won't he?"

"I don't know, he was underwater for quite a while and we have to see if his brain took some damage, but hopefully he will wake up soon. People say that people in coma or unconsciousness responds to the ones that are their most dearest." she said softly and smiled at Harry. "I always knew there was something between you two."  
"Why doesn't he see that?" Harry asked sadly. "When I tried to say I loved him, he didn't believe me."

"I don't know Harry, that's something you have to ask him yourself," she said softly and smiling at him.

"Do you...think I should talk to him?" Harry whispered.

"Yes, I do." she said. "He needs someone to talk to him."

Harry turned to Louis and took a deep breath.   
"Louis, I love you. I know you don't believe that right now, but I swear that one day you will. I'll make sure you believe it. I shouldn't have gone to stay with Nick and left you on your own. But I needed space, and he was there. He's a good guy. He'd never take advantage of the situation. We're just friends. You're the one I want to be with."

The nurse smiled at them, pleased with her helping and went out of the room. Louis' eyelids fluttered a little at hearing Harry’s voice but his breathing was still the same.

"Wake up, Louis. I want to be with you. I want to spend my life with you. I want to grow old with you. I want to get married to you. But I can't do any of that if you don't wake up." Harry’s voice was gentle; he was crying silently.

Louis thought he was hearing Harry's voice somewhere but he couldn't put his finger on it. It was like he was so far away, out of reach as he had been a couple of years by now...

"Louis!" Harry exclaimed. He could see Louis's eyelids flickering as if he was coming round.

Louis forehead got some wrinkles as he was slowly returned into consciousness.  
Harry's face was covered with tears. Hope came into his heart. 

"Louis," he said gently.

Louis opened his eyes and looked at Harry. He thought he was in heaven when he saw those jade green eyes looking back at him.  
"Louis," Harry whispered. "Hey, I'm here. It's alright. I'm really here. You can touch me." Harry held out his hand and stroked Louis's cheek.  
Louis looked at him and couldn't believe that Harry was actually there. 

"I died, right?"

"No, Louis. You're alive. You got hurt, but you've been brought round to consciousness again. You're going to be okay," Harry assured him.

"But I wanted... I wanted to jump... Did you stop me?" he asked. He couldn't remember.

"I wanted to stop you. But you fell. Then...I called the ambulances and they brought you to hospital. I love..." Harry gulped back his tears, almost unable to continue. "I love you. I need you to know that. That's the most important thing in the world."  
Louis stared at him for a couple of minutes, just staring at the curly haired man in front of him, uttering those words with his mouth.

"I know you're dazed, but I feel I should ask you something." Harry took a deep breath and wiped his eyes. "Do you...think we could try again?"  
"Try... together? Without... anyone stopping us?" he murmured, staring blankly at Harry.

"Without anyone stopping us, just you and me taking each day as it comes. What do you say?"

"I want, I want to please." Louis said and nodded, coughing a little as oxygen streamed through his lungs.

"Thank you," Harry said his eyes filling with tears.

Louis gripped his hands firmly and kissed each one of his fingers with trembling lips. "I don't...?” he broke off. Louis didn't know what to say. This was what he had wished for a long time now. 

"Louis, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me," Harry whispered.

"And you're the best thing that's ever happened to me..." Louis whispered, his breath hitching as it always did when Harry spoke to him like that.

"Louis, I know you need help, but we can work through everything. I'll always be here. I won't go away again," Harry promised.

Louis nodded and promised himself if Harry were going anywhere again, he would truly end himself. Harry moved in slowly, tentatively, and pressed his face to Louis's. Then, he gave him the smallest of kisses. He made sure not to hurt him.

Louis kissed him back, his heart growing wings as he had yearned for this moment for such a long time. The kiss grew more passionate but Harry pulled away, scared of hurting Louis. The heart rate monitor connected to Louis started beeping faster as the kiss grew passionate and continued to do so even though Harry pulled away. 

"Sorry..." Louis murmured embarrassingly.  
Harry was alarmed at the sounds but, seeing that Louis was okay, he merely smiled. 

"It's fine," he murmured.  
Louis nodded and fiddled with his fingers, his chest hurting a bit as he remembered what had occurred a couple of hours ago. He had been so sure to end everything and the water had almost been welcoming when he plunged down into it.

"Louis," Harry said, concerned. "Are you alright? I didn't hurt you, did I?"

Louis looked at Harry with a confused look, returning to reality. He shook his head at Harry's question.

"Babe, don't worry. I'll take care of you," Harry soothed.

Louis nodded, away in his thoughts again, biting his lip softly and staring down at his hands. Harry took Louis's chin in his hands and gently turned Louis's face up to look at him. 

"I'm so glad you woke up," he whispered. "For a moment there I thought..." He trailed off, unable to finish.

Louis smiled weakly at him. “It’s okay babe…” he murmured and kissed Harry’s fingers.

Harry relaxed into Louis’s touch and laid his head down on the pillow beside him. He realised how sleepy he felt and closed his eyes, dreaming of Louis.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been a few weeks since Louis had attempted to jump off London Bridge. Harry had spent those two weeks fretting and never leaving Louis's side unless it was to get him painkillers. He knew he was probably being just a little too attentive, but he couldn't help himself. He didn't want to risk anything happening again.

Louis hadn't been the same since the London Bridge incident. He had been low and hadn't spoken quite much since the day he came home from the hospital. He had also started eating very little lately.

Harry was scared to say anything about Louis's new habit, lest he provoked some new dark thoughts in the older boy's mind. He did feel like Louis still didn't really trust him, and it hurt. It hurt because he hadn't done anything wrong. Louis had just been too quick to let that thought pop up in his mind. Why? That was the question which tortured Harry.

Louis had been more and more insecure and closed up with himself ever since he came home. He had only been home the latest two weeks without seeing anyone.

Shutting himself up was unhealthy, but Harry could see this was what was happening to Louis. He didn't want Louis to withdraw. Louis had always been social and funny, but there had also always been a part of him which was...almost shy.

Louis sat on the couch, staring at the TV which showed the final of this year's X-factor. He had no clue what to do today, nothing was important to him except for Harry and Harry was away for the moment.

Harry fidgeted in his pocket trying to find his key. He had two giant bags of shopping which he'd purchased from the supermarket. He put his keys into his mouth and set the bags down. Then, he took the keys out of his mouth and unlocked the door to the apartment. He was almost worried about having left Louis for so long.

Louis lay down on the couch, staring at the ceiling.

"Louis," Harry called. "I'm back." He walked in to find Louis staring at the ceiling. He sighed. "Louis, you can't spend all your day here. You should get out. Get some fresh air."

"Haz!" Was the only thing that flew out of Louis when he saw Harry coming into the apartment. He slowly raised himself from the couch and went to Harry only to cuddle close to him

Harry felt himself enveloped in Louis's warmth. "It's alright, Louis. I wasn't gone for so long." Harry placed a soft kiss on Louis's temple and disentangled himself. "I should make dinner," he said. "What would you like, Louis?" He tried to sound casual, but he was desperate to see Louis eat something.

"I don't know..." Louis murmured softly, enveloping his hand around Harry's hand held it tightly, never wanting to let go.

"Louis," Harry said, pulling his hand away. "You have to take care of yourself. You're still in a delicate state. I can't have you collapsing on me." The moment Harry said the last sentence, he regretted it.

Louis froze on the spot and stared at Harry. "What do you mean?" he asked anxiously.

"Look, Louis. Let's not pretend that this is a normal situation. I mean you did try and..." He trailed off, biting his lip.

Louis stared at Harry's feet. "Harry...?" He didn't seem to understand what he was talking about. "Are you leaving me?" Louis' breath suddenly hitched and he gripped Harry's hand desperately."Don't leave me..." he whispered with a voice that was nowhere like the normal Louis' voice.

"Louis," Harry whispered, gently loosening Louis's grip. "I'm not going to leave you. Didn't I promise that? You need to stop worrying. I love you; have you got that?"

Louis nodded. "You did, you did..." he murmured and glanced over to the kitchen. He bit his lips and swallowed, his stomach growling a little.

"Well I meant it," Harry said firmly. "So what do you want for dinner? You can have anything you like." He smiled but he felt tense, and he wondered if it showed.

Louis shrugged, leaning his forehead on Harry's shoulder and sighing a little. He seemed to be tired and bored. "Tense..."

"You're tense?" Harry said, concerned. "Do you want me to give you a massage?" His words were tumbling out one after another without his really thinking about them. He didn't want Louis to feel like he was babying him, but he needed to make sure he was okay.

Louis shook his head. "No, I meant that you're tense..." he murmured, closing his eyes as he leaned closer to Harry's chest. "Because I can see it... And feel it..." Louis added, feeling Harry tensing his muscles. He put his hands on Harry's shoulders and started massaging them a little.

It was then that Harry maybe meant overboard in his defensiveness.  
"Me? Why would you think that?" he questioned. "I'm not tense. I'm fine. I'm just worried about you." He pulled Louis closer to him. He was so scared of losing him.

"I'm fine," Harry sighed, shrugging off Louis's hands. "You, on the other hand, still haven't told me what you want for dinner."

"I don't know what I want..." Louis sighed and released Harry. He stared at him with his blue eyes.

"Then I'll decide for you!" Harry said, marching into the kitchen. "And you should just lie on the couch while I sort it out. Okay?" The last part wasn't really a question. It was an order.

Louis interpreted it as an order and lay on the couch whilst waiting for Harry to finish with the food. He didn't really want to eat, he felt sick whenever he could smell food or even at the sight of it. He didn't know where the disorder came from though, it just did.

Harry bustled around the kitchen. He'd decided to make some soup. It was something Louis might actually eat because it could be swallowed quite easily. He starting humming 'What Makes You Beautiful' but stopped himself. That was a part of their lives which was over now. It just brought back bad memories.

Louis heard Harry humming and it made his stomach warm up a bit. He loved when Harry hummed, especially now when he didn't hear Harry singing as quite much as before. He missed their gigs together... In fact, he missed One Direction.

Tomato soup wasn't really hard to make. Harry had cooked it hundreds of times with his mum. He'd cooked it hundreds of times for the boys. But he didn't want to remember cooking with Zayn, Niall and Liam. All that was behind him now. He'd better leave that in the past.

Harry was pouring the hot soup into a bowl but, in his haste, he spilt some over his hand. He yelped and then swore loudly.

Louis heard the yelp and immediately went over to Harry with hastily steps.

"It's fine, Louis!" Harry yelled, hastily trying to reassure the other boy.

"You okay?" he breathed out and stared at Harry's red hand.

"Fine," Harry said, snapping a little because he was annoyed with himself for worrying Louis. He rushed to hold his hand under the tap. "I was just being careless. Go on. Go back and lie on the couch."

Louis thought he directed the snapping against him but he did as he said without question and went back to the couch again. Suddenly, Louis's phone rang.

"Hello?" Louis asked softly.

"Hi." The voice on the other side was tentative, but it was clearly Liam's voice over the line.

"L-Liam?" Louis exclaimed, jerking into sitting position.

"Hi, Louis," Liam said. He sounded very nervous. He swallowed. "How...how are things?"

"Uhm... Uhm... Things... are... so-so..." Louis replied, thinking about what to say.

"Right," Liam said shortly. "Sorry, I shouldn't have called. I knew this was a bad idea." He sounded exasperated.

"Why... why not call me?" Louis wondered, frowning a bit.

"It's..." Liam sighed heavily. "There's just so much bad history. I just thought I'd call to try and make things right. I heard about your..." Liam trailed off. "I just wanted to check you were okay." Of course reports about Louis's attempted suicide had been all over the press, but Liam didn't want to stress Louis out any more.

Louis stomach turned a bit cold when Liam mentioned the suicide attempt. "Mm... I miss you guys. Miss you all." he murmured slowly, tracing his finger on his knee and sighing a little.

"I missed you too," Liam choked. He was getting more emotional than he'd expected just hearing Louis's voice. He really had missed him. "How have you been?" he asked, trying to make conversation.

"Uh... I haven't been that good actually... How have you been? Have you talked with any of the other lads?" Louis asked and heard the emotion in Liam's voice. Had Liam really missed him?

"I've been fine," said Liam. It wasn't entirely true. He'd been getting rather depressed of late. "I...tried to call Zayn, but he didn't answer." He hadn't had the courage to call Niall for some reason.

"Oh okay... Well I haven't been calling any of you... Sorry for that..." Louis sighed and drew his hand across his face.

"Well, none of us called you," Liam reasoned. Though everything he'd been through, he still felt a little like he was the 'dad' of One Direction. "How's Harry?" he asked, hoping this would bring a lighter turn to the conversation.

"He is doing okay I think. I don't know. I think he is worried about me..." Louis replied softly, sighing.

"We're all worried about you," Liam said gently.

"I didn't expect that..." Louis said, quite not knowing what he was saying.

"Of course I was, Louis," Liam said softly. "I'm sorry that I didn't keep in touch. I just...needed time. I think we all did."

"Yeah, me too..." Louis murmured and let his thoughts go back to the day when he was about to jump. He chewed on his headset and sighed.

"Wasn't Harry staying with Nick?" Liam asked, suddenly curious.

"He was... And that was one of the reasons why... I... wanted to jump... I still want to jump... a little... But... yeah..." Louis murmured awkwardly, didn't want Harry to hear him talking.

"You want to jump?!" Liam sounded seriously alarmed. "Louis, I think you need to talk to someone." His 'Dad' instinct was kicking in again.

Louis shook his head, not minding that Liam didn't see him. "N-no..." he said, staring out of the window.

"Why not?" Liam prompted, more gently this time in spite of his alarm.

"I don't want to... I'm fine with this... I think..." he said, ignoring his growling stomach and chewed a little on his headset, leaning back more in the sofa and sighing more. Where did Harry go?

"Fine?" Liam said doubtfully. "Look, I know you might not want to talk to me about this, but you need to talk to someone - even if it is just Harry." Liam could only hope his advice was getting through to the boy on the other end of the line.

"I don't know..." Louis head suddenly started hurting, he closed his eyes. "I don't know..." he whispered and held his hand against his head.

At the moment, they both heard a clatter of pans fall to the floor. "Fine!" Harry called.

"Harry?" Louis called worriedly and hurried away to the kitchen with Liam still on the line.

"Seriously, Louis! I'm fine!" Harry said. He was stressed and could only hope it didn't show in his voice.

Louis went inside the kitchen and put his arms around Harry's waist. "Please just calm down and come to the living room, please..." he murmured and dug his face into Harry's neck, drawing his melon-y scent into his lungs.

Harry leaned against him for a moment before straightening up and gently pushing Louis off. "I need to heat the soup again," he said and grimaced. His hand hurt where he'd burnt it.

"No, I can do it..." Louis murmured and fixed the soup, and then he forced Harry to go to the living room while he was preparing a cold bandage for Harry's hand. He quickly called Liam, saying he needed to go but that he would text him later before he went back to the living room.

Harry was sitting on the couch, smiling lazily. "You didn't have to do that, you know," he said. He took a bowl of soup gratefully. "Thanks. Why don't we just eat this soup and have a nice evening?"

Louis stared at the bowl of soup, almost seeing the love Harry had put into the dish and shrugged. "I would love to have a nice evening." he finally said and looked at Harry.

"Me too," Harry said and took a spoonful of soup. After he had swallowed it, he asked, "Who was that on the phone?" His voice was very casual. He'd relaxed a little now.

Louis let the soup be and cuddled close to Harry, enjoying his presence greatly.

"It was Liam..."

"Liam? Why did he call?" Harry seemed a little dumbfounded.

"He wanted to see how I was doing... He had heard of the ... you know." Louis said, meaning the attempt.

"Yes, I know," said Harry, a little more sharply than he intended because of the horror he felt when he remembered that time.

Louis body stiffened a bit when Harry's voice sharpened.

"And he misses us..." he murmured.

"I miss him too," said Harry. "I'm sorry I snapped. Now eat your soup," he whispered.

"Couldn't we like... Call them? And invite them over?" Louis asked, looking at Harry without touching the soup, ignoring Harry's demand.

"Sure," said Harry vaguely. He wasn't really concentrating on what Louis was saying. He was worrying about the fact Louis wasn't eating his soup. "Anyway," he coaxed. "Eat up."

"Tomorrow? At 6pm?" Louis asked, not minding the soup at all, just looking at Harry with his blue eyes.

"Sure, whatever," said Harry, still not really listening.

Louis nodded pleasingly and sent a message to Liam telling they could come over tomorrow if they wanted to.

Liam replied, saying he would love to come but he wasn't sure about the other boys. He'd have to ask them.

Louis replied an okay and a smiley and then he cuddled closer to Harry.

Harry pulled him in closer. "You don't like the soup?" he asked, trying not to sound as worried as he felt.

"I'm not hungry babe..." Louis murmured and held Harry's hands to his chest. "Hold me..."

Harry complied, wrapping his arms around him. "My cooking is not good? Is that it?" he asked, trying to lighten the mood.

"No it's not that. You're great at cooking... I'm just not hungry..." Louis murmured, enjoying being in Harry's arms so much he was close to crying.

"You're never hungry anymore," said Harry, disbelieving. He drew Louis back, still holding him, to look at him. "You don't want to starve. You need to eat to keep your strength up."

Louis just shrugged and stared adoringly at Harry. "I love you."

"I love you too, babe," Harry breathed. He decided to try one more time to convince Louis to eat something. "Is there something else I can make for you?" he asked.

"Just be here with me, please?" Louis murmured, still afraid of Harry leaving him again. If Harry did, then he would not survive anymore.

"I'll stay. Maybe...Maybe we should talk about what happened. I really hurt you. We need to clear the air," he proposed.

Louis nodded. "I think that is a good idea..." he suddenly realized that he was still alive because of Harry. Without Harry he would have been dead by now. If Harry ever left him again... No. He didn't dare to think about it.

Harry cleared his throat, unsure what to say. He felt awkward. "So..." he began but trailed off.

Louis just looked at Harry with his cerulean blue eyes, watching his every blink of his eyelids, the way his mouth curled when he spoke, the way he looked at him, the way he held his hands.

Harry fidgeted. The fact that Louis was staring at him made it even harder to concentrate. "What?" he questioned.

Louis' breath hitched at Harry looked at him. "N-nothing..."

"You were looking at me," Harry said. "What's up? Are you feeling alright?" He was unable to hide his concern.

"... You're just so... beautiful..." Louis said, his breath hitching again as Harry looked at him.

"If you want to see beautiful, look in the mirror," Harry returned. His hand travelled to Louis's gorgeous chestnut locks. He gently replaced a strand of it which had been sticking out.

Louis just smiled at him, enjoying his touch and leaned his head against Harry's chest, enjoying the closeness as always.

* * *

Harry was lounging on the couch with his arms around Louis. He'd lasagne for dinner and it was cooking in the oven. He liked it when it was like this, when Louis was with him. It made him calmer.

Louis had his face buried into his favourite place, Harry's neck. He let out small puffs of breath against Harry's sensitive skin and had his arms around Harry's waist. He loved being this close to Harry and to feel Harry's heart beat against his face. This was the cosiest thing Louis knew. He really loved this; it made his whole being content. It was the greatest feeling in the world.

Harry loved it when Louis held him like this as well. He loved how Louis knew just what to do to make him weak. He snuggled closer. He loved the feel of Louis's breath against his neck and of Louis's arms around his waist.

Louis jerked a bit when he heard the sudden three knocks on the door.

"Oh, it's the boys." he said with a weak voice.

Harry groaned. "Don't answer it," he whined. "Just stay here. They'll go away." He pulled Louis near to him again.

"But they are here, they want us to open! I invited them here!" Louis said and looked at Harry.

"Yeah, but..." Harry began and then resigned himself. "Sorry," he said. "I suppose I'd better offer them some dinner." He sighed. The evening of bliss was most certainly over. He wasn't sure he was really prepared to see the boys again. He wondered if, sometimes, it was better to let sleeping dogs lie.

* * *

Liam was standing on their doorstep, at least a foot away from Niall. He looked very uncomfortable and seemed to be avoiding Niall's gaze. "Hi," he muttered, shifting on his feet.

"Hiya..." Niall said, staring at his toes and shifting on his feet. He hated this.

"So..." Liam felt unbelievably awkward. His face was burning. "How are things?"

"Good... I guess..." Niall said with a shrug and wished the door could open soon. "And with you?"

"Same old, same old," said Liam, and mentally kicked himself for not being able to think of anything better to say.

Louis suddenly opened the door and smiled brightly at them. "Hello!" he said and waved at them, like nothing in the years before this day had happened. Like everything was all right. Niall's face went red from awkwardness when he saw Louis' face and then it turned into concern as Louis looked a bit too thin.

Liam managed to hide his concern when he saw how thin Louis had become since he'd last seen him. He steeled himself in preparation for doing some serious parenting.

Niall's mouth just opened and his face became even redder as he surveyed Louis' body. "What... what happened to you?" he asked worriedly out of the blue.

Liam stepped in to avoid awkwardness. "Hey, Louis. Good to see you. How're you doing?" He realised he was asking questions before giving Louis the time to answer but he felt he'd say anything to stop Niall.

"I'm doing okay, I have been missing you! Please come in!" Louis said with a bright smile and let the boys inside. Some paparazzi's came by and photographed them but Louis didn't care about it, neither did Niall or Liam. Niall closed his mouth and silently went after them.

Harry looked up from the oven in surprise. He set down the lasagne at the table to cool and removed his oven gloves. He gave the boys a nod but didn't say anything.

Niall looked awkwardly around the house, pretending to be interested by the furniture and babbled something in Irish to himself and pointed at something to Liam. Louis scooted behind Harry and put his arms around Harry's waist, pressing his a bit bony body against Harry's.

Liam wasn't sure where to look, so he focused on the ground. There was no way to make this anything other than awkward so he simply blurted out, "Zayn couldn't come. He's with his girlfriend."

"Oh okay, well that's fine!" Louis said and hugged Harry even tighter. Niall didn't know where to put himself so he just sat down at the table.

Liam sat down as well, opposite Niall. He was careful not to give him any eye contact. He had to make some kind of conversation though. So he said, "What's cooking? It smells good."

"It's lasagne!" Louis replied happily and looked at Harry to see how he was doing. Niall whistled a bit and stared at his hands, listening at the other boy's conversation.

Harry kept his head down, trying to make it look like he was concentrating on cutting the lasagne. In reality, he just didn't want to look at anyone.

Louis watched him cut the lasagne, fascinated with how easy Harry managed to cut through the pieces so delicately.

Niall suddenly stared at Liam, looking a bit afraid.

Liam was becoming desperate. He racked his brains for a suitable topic of conversation, but when he chanced a look at Niall, he became completely distracted and forgot what he'd been going to say.

Niall opened his mouth to say something but his Irish made brain couldn't come up with anything good. He wanted to talk about something but the atmosphere was so tense between the four of them so nothing popped up in his mind.

Harry set down a plate in front of Niall and looked up to meet his eyes, giving him a small smile. He then set one in front of Liam. "Louis, why don't you sit down and I'll get yours?" he said, smiling.

Niall returned Harry's smile with one of his cutest smiles. "Thanks mate!" he said and started eating the food with bliss. Louis nodded at Harry's question and sat down on his place.

Harry helped himself to a portion and then sat down. "This is really lovely, Harry," said Liam, hoping to alleviate some of the tension.

"Thanks," replied Harry. His voice was always quiet but this evening it was more subdued as well.

"It's lovely!" Niall blurted out as he had chewed on the lasagne and drunk a couple of gulps with water. "Ye are such a good cook Haz!" he said and smiled with his mouth filled of lasagne. Louis just poked at the food with his fork, his face concerned.

Both Liam and Harry noticed instantly, but Liam was careful not to make comment.

"Do you not like it, Louis?" Harry asked sweetly. "I can get you something else if you don't like it," he added.

Niall gave Louis a worried look. "Eat Lou, it's good for you!" he said and fired off thumbs up to Louis, trying to cheer him up.

"No it's fine." Louis said sweetly.

Liam sought to change the subject. "So does anyone have any plans for the weekend?" he asked.

Louis shrugged and Niall shook his head. "Nu-uh" he said.

Harry shook his head but didn't say anything.

"Well, if you all don't, then I thought we could all go bowling," said Liam, spearing some lasagne. He hadn't actually thought that at all. He'd just needed something to say to change the subject. Now that he thought about it, it was rather a good idea.

"Ye! That sounds really good! We haven't been out and having fun in a while, well, in a year at least!" Niall said and smiled, trying to cheer up the tense atmosphere but he noticed it didn't work with Harry.

Harry smiled weakly. "That sounds nice," he said quietly.

Louis just sat still, watching his lasagne grow cold.

Niall looked at Harry. "How're ya doing' mate?" he asked.

"Fine, thanks," said Harry. "How are you?" Harry's gaze wandered over to Louis's plate and he set his fork down loudly.

"You sure?" Niall asked, swallowing tensely and looked at Liam for help. Louis jumped by fear at the loud noise of Harry's forks.

Liam smiled. "Well, I think it's a date then." He caught Niall's eye at just the wrong point and blushed furiously.

Niall perked his eyebrows, his cheeks turning red and he turned his head a little in embarrassment.

"Date?" Louis asked with a frown and shuffled closer to Harry, leaning his head on Harry's shoulder.

"Yeah, you know," Liam said quickly. "It should be fun."

Harry put his arm around Louis's shoulder, sighing heavily.

"Yeah, it should." Niall chuckled and blushed awkwardly again, staring at Louis' plate. "Do you want that or can I take it?"

Louis just shrugged, closed his eyes and made a cute sound of complacent as he felt Harry's warmth streaming into him.

"Good." Louis beamed. "So everyone is agreed? We go bowling on Saturday?"

"Why the jolly gods not?" Niall said and smiled, feeling so happy 'cause they were going to do something together again. He took the plate from Louis and started eating the lasagne.

Louis buried his face into Harry's neck, mewling softly.

For some reason, Harry was glowering at Niall. "Sure," he said sullenly.

Niall perked his eyebrows and turned his gaze to Liam instead, asking him what Harry meant with that gaze with his eyes.

Liam silently looked down at Niall's plate and nodded towards Louis, hoping Niall would get the message.

Louis whined softly, wanting Harry to do something with him, put an arm around him or just anything.

Harry hugged Louis tighter and continued to give Niall a sullen look.

Niall nodded and gulped. He had made Harry sullen. Garsh, why did he always have to screw up everything?! He bit his lips and sighed angrily.

Liam looked up, surprised at the harsh sound Niall had made. He gave a sympathetic smirk. "So, Louis, how are you two?"

Louis opened his eyes and stared at Liam for a second with a confused gaze but then he understood what he meant.

"Good I think? Haz?" he said and nudged Harry's shoulder, wanting him to say something.

"Yeah," said Harry. He was sticking to monosyllabic answers for this evening. Truth to be told, he wasn't just annoyed with Niall for taking the food; he was kind of annoyed with Louis for not eating it in the first place. He was angry with him for being so careless with his own health.

Louis smiled at him and kissed his cheek, snuggling closer not minding that Harry was so sullen. He thought it probably had to be with the lads being here with them.  
Harry liked the attention Louis was giving him, but he was still annoyed with him so he didn't reciprocate.

Niall smiled at them, happy to see them cuddling together after all those years of struggling with their management.

Louis released Harry, noticing he didn't want to cuddle right now.

Harry noticed the lack to connection between Louis and him. He missed it and almost felt sorry for being angry. Almost.

Liam looked across at them and then risked a quick peek at Niall. He turned away quickly, too embarrassed to continue.

Niall noticed this and his cheek went a bit red. He wasn't used with people flirting with him, especially not guys and he had always found Liam cute so it was something special.

Liam bit his lip. Something about the silence which had fallen over the room didn't feel comfortable to him. He was worried about Louis. It seemed like something was wrong with him.

Niall saw Liam biting at his lips, finding it a bit sexy and stared at the ground instead of Liam's lips. Shit. He wasn't good at these kinds of things.

Louis positioned himself and stared at Niall and Liam.

Liam's face was burning. Why was Louis staring at them? There was something up with Louis. He used to be so much...happier. What had he expected? Of course Louis wasn't going to be his usual chipper self. He'd tried to kill himself two weeks ago.

Niall looked at Louis and wondered the exact same thing as Liam, though he didn't say anything. He was too scared of Harry's reaction so he just let Louis stare at them.

Liam tried his best to avoid Niall's gaze at all costs.

Harry turned towards Louis, wondering what was going through his mind. His forehead pulled into a frown. Why wasn't he eating? It obviously wasn't his cooking. Well, that had never been a serious suggestion anyway.

Louis just stared at an empty spot in between Liam and Niall, without saying anything. He was lost in his own world, probably Neverland. Niall managed to catch Liam's gaze.

Harry saw Louis staring into empty space. He wondered what he was thinking and felt sorry for being angry with him. Louis was away in his own troubled mind, completely away from the other world.

Liam averted his eyes from Niall's and said, "What time do you all want to go bowling? Any thoughts?"

"Whatever time works well for me!" Niall smiled and looked worriedly at Louis.

Harry didn't answer Liam's question. He was too busy concentrating on Louis and worrying about him. The anger had melted away. He didn't want Louis to go to that dark place again because then he'd try and...

"Okay...so decide later?" Liam asked, his voice high pitched because of how nervous he felt. Why couldn't they go back to the old times when everything was easy?

Louis suddenly returned back to reality as he heard Liam's high pitched voice. He looked at him and smiled a bit, completely unaware of what Liam just had said.

"Sure!" Niall said awkwardly with a shrug.

Harry was simply pleased to see Louis out of his trance. He hadn't heard the question so gave no reply.

Liam looked a little lost. He felt like he was fighting to keep the tension at bay. "Yeah," he monotoned, not knowing what else to say.

"It's sure tense, isn't it? Why aren't we acting as usual? Should we invite Zayn or what?" Niall blurted out, not thinking of what he was saying at all. When he had finished talking he just stared at the others as his face flushed in a bright red colour.

"Yeah," Liam responded a little too enthusiastically. He was just glad that someone was saying something. He thought Niall looked so cute when he blushed.

Harry just looked at Niall, his mind seemingly devoid responses.

"Can we like decide which time we are going and bowling? Please?" Niall pleaded and stared at Harry. He wasn't used to this quietness of Harry and Louis. It bothered him because they were always joking around before.

"Yeah, yeah," said Liam. "You're right. When do you want to go?" Liam forced himself to look Niall in the eye. It was difficult, but he managed it.

Harry sighed heavily and then looked at his fingernails.

Niall wanted to die when Liam looked into his eyes. He could barely take it so he looked over to Harry. "Harold, what is it?" he asked

"Huh?" Harry said, pulling himself up (he'd been slouching). He clearly hadn't been listening to anything which had been said.

"We are talking here Harry, why aren't you listening?" Niall wondered and gave him a sour look. He didn't understand Harry's or Louis' behaviour at all.

"I have been listening," said Harry. He returned an equally sour look. "Maybe going bowling isn't such a good idea," he snapped. "Are you finished with that?" he asked, gesturing to Niall's plate of lasagne.

"Why not?" Niall asked with a frown and nodded at Harry's question. He crossed his arms over his chest and looked at Harry with an annoying gaze. Why was he so low?

"Look, I'm not sure I feel like it," said Harry sourly. "What about you, Lou?" His voice instantly turned gentle when he spoke to his boyfriend.

"I don't know." was Louis' short reply. He was just staring at the middle of the table.

Niall sighed and shook his head. Louis had invited them over and still he was acting like this...

"Louis, come on," Harry said soothingly. "Why don't you go with the boys? You need a bit of fun." He smiled encouragingly.

Louis bit his lips uncertainly and looked at Harry for a bit. His stomach dropped as it grew colder, it always did when he imagined being anywhere without Harry.

"Why won't you go with me?" he asked his voice fragile.

"Because," said Harry, giving Niall a sideways glance, "Because I'll probably be busy and..."

Liam was sitting in the corner, checking his phone. He was observing what was going on, but he was trying to appear relaxed - and avoid Niall's eyes.

Niall gritted his teeth and shot off an angry stare to Harry. Why was he glancing him? He hadn't done anything! He just wanted them to be happy, as always... That was the only thing Nialler wanted for the two boyfriends and the rest of the band...

Louis nodded slowly and looked down at his hands. "Ok." he said shortly.

Harry was desperate to save Louis from the depression he felt he felt Louis might be sinking into so he said, "Look, Lou, I'll go. Sorry, I don't want you to feel I'm ignoring you."

He was concentrating on Louis too much to notice Niall's glare, but Liam noticed it. It didn't give him a very good feeling about going bowling with the four boys.

Louis shrugged. "You don't need to if you don't want to..." he said and smiled at Harry.

"I'll do whatever you want," Harry assured him. He turned round to the two other boys. "So shall we make it Saturday afternoon then?" he said, speaking to Liam.

"Sounds good," said Liam, glad of someone else making some decisions.

"I'm glad you finally came up with a decision Harold." Niall grunted and looked at him sourly with his arms crossed over his chest.

"Yes," said Harry coldly. He started clearing away everyone's plates. "I hope you've left room for dessert, Niall," he added. "It's trifle." He mouthed a little kiss to Louis and went over to the fridge to take it out.

"I do." Niall snorted and followed Harry's each step with his Irish glare.

Liam sat and fidgeted with his phone. Louis skipped down beside Liam and looked at Liam's phone. Liam quickly pulled it away from him.

Louis gave Liam a questioning look. "Huh?"

"It's nothing!" Liam said quickly. He cast about to change the subject. "Harry's looking after you; isn't he?" he said, noticing Harry returning with a large dish of trifle.

Louis nodded. "He is..." he said and smiled warmly. "He has always done that..."

"Good," Liam said, smiling brightly. "You take care of yourself too," he said sincerely.

Harry came set the big dish in the middle of the table. It was covered with lovely peaks of cream and decorated with some sprinkles.

Louis put his head on Liam's shoulder, which was something he had never done before and rested silently. He was exhausted and he was in the need of some warmth.

"Wow, it looks amazing!" Niall blurted out when he saw the trifle.

Harry smiled at the moment he witnessed between Louis and Liam. It was nice to see them getting on again. It was a surprisingly intimate moment, and he almost felt like he was disturbing it.

He turned to look at Niall. "Thanks," he said. "Enjoy!" he said, addressing everyone.

"I'm tired Li..." Louis murmured and cuddled closer to Liam, enjoying the warmth.

Liam put his arm around Louis. He was glad that they were acting like friends again. Louis cuddled even closer to Liam, his body shuddering a bit.

Niall took the first piece as he had done with the lasagne and immediately started eating.

"Do you like it?" Harry asked Niall.

"I do, it's tasty!" Niall blurted and stuffed his mouth with trifle. He always seemed happier when there was food around.

Harry set his mouth in a firm line. "Do you want some, Lou?" he asked.

Louis opened his eyes and looked at the trifle. "I can taste a little..." he said.

Harry looked hopeful and immediately grabbed the spoon and dished out some trifle. "Here," he said.

Louis let go of Liam and went to the table and sat down, poking a little into the trifle before eating some pieces of it. Niall took his third portion.

Harry was so pleased to see Louis eating that he forgot to serve Liam. Liam just waited patiently and checked his phone.

Louis stopped eating after a couple of bites and wiped his mouth with a serviette. And Niall, oh Niall, he just continued with his eating.

Harry looked over at Louis, concerned that he'd stopped eating. He glanced over at Niall and saw him taking a hearty spoonful of trifle.

"It's so tasty Harry," Niall said, smiling brightly. "You should quit ye music and become a cook instead!" he exclaimed excitingly. Louis looked unhappy and just glanced over at Liam.

Harry noticed Louis's unhappy expression and frowned. He barely noticed Niall's comment. "Thanks," he said vaguely.

Liam had decided to help himself to the trifle. "Niall's right," he said, laughing. "It's great!"

"It is wonderful Harry! Seriously!" Niall chuckled and burped loudly. His Irish belly was saturated.

Louis shrugged for himself.

Harry pulled an expression of distaste. "Glad to hear it," he said. He turned to Louis. "Don't you want anymore, Louis?" he probed.

Louis shook his head. "No... I'm feeling sick..."

Niall glanced over him when he said that.

"You're feeling sick?" said Harry. "You should have told me, babe!" He said, fussing.

"You'd better go to bed," Liam advised.

Louis shrugged and shook his head. "No, I want to be with you guys..."

"Do you have a headache?" said Harry, panicking slightly. "Should I get you painkillers?"

Liam looked at Louis to see how he seemed to be feeling.

Louis shook his head. "No... I just feel cold. Don't worry," Louis said quietly and leaned backwards in the chair.

Niall looked at him worriedly. Liam looked over at Niall, noticing his expression of worry.

"Are you sure, babe?" said Harry, pressing a hand to Louis's forehead. "I could get you a cushion or a blanket."

"Mm... Bowling?" he asked, wanting to change the subject and looked at Harry. Niall felt Liam's gaze on him and shuddered slightly.

"What about it, Lou?" Harry asked tenderly.

Liam wondered if he was making Niall nervous, so he looked away.

"Are we going to bowl or not? And when?" Louis asked.

Niall swallowed hardly, thinking about Liam's smile which made his heart flutter like a humming bird.

Harry fixed his gaze on Niall. "What are we doing, Niall?" he asked.

"I don't know. What do you want? Maybe we should decide this tomorrow? Sassypants here seems to be a bit tired." he chuckled.

Louis suddenly snapped and screamed furiously at Niall. "WHAT DID YOU SAY?!" he roared.

"Leave Louis alone, Niall!" Harry shouted. "Stop calling him names just because he doesn't want to talk to you!"

"You alright, babe?" he then whispered to Louis.

Louis didn't care about Harry's question; he just stared angrily at Niall whom just chuckled in response.

"Easy boy, it's fine all right?" he said softly to Louis but Louis breathed frantically and a vein in his forehead pulsated angrily.

"I hate you!" he suddenly bellowed

"Louis," Harry said, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Calm down. It's alright," he soothed.

"I think everyone needs to calm down a little," said Liam, holding his hands up.

Niall held his hands up and shook his head. "Easy Louis, I was just joking. You always laughed at that name before, didn't ye?" he whispered soothingly and reached out to stroke Louis' hand smoothly but Louis let out a loud angry grunt and shouted "no!" before he stormed out of the house.

"LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE NOW!" Harry shouted, before running out after him.

Liam looked totally taken aback, and he was unsure how to react to being alone with Niall.

Niall stared after Harry with an open mouth and sighed deeply.

"Shit!" he growled and looked at Liam with a shattered gaze. He had never meant to hurt Louis in any way.


	3. Chapter 3

Liam jumped a little when Niall shouted. He was thoroughly confused about what the argument had been about.

"Seriously..." Niall whispered and buried his face in his hands. "What is happening...?"

Liam sat awkwardly. He didn't really know how to deal with this, so he texted Zayn for help.

Niall just blankly stared at Liam. "What is going on?"

"Be right there x" Zayn answered

Liam buried his face in his hands and then scratched his head. "I don't know," he muttered, more to himself than to Niall. He texted a 'thanks' to Zayn and then sat and drummed his fingers on the table.

Niall sighed again and shook his head. "What have happened with Louis?"

"I don't know," said Liam. "I think maybe you should apologise. I think you've upset him."

"Yeah... I'll try." Niall said slowly. Zayn came into the house

"Hi, Zayn," said Liam.

"How are you doing? What's happening?" he asked and sat down beside Liam and Niall, immediately laying his arm over Liam's shoulders, causing Niall to snort quietly in jealousy.

"We're going bowling," Liam informed him. He noticed the snort but was at a loss as to how to interpret it. He /hoped/ it was jealousy, but he felt sure that was just wishful thinking.

"Oh, we are? When was this decided? Where are Harry and Louis btw?" Zayn asked and looked at Niall.

"They went away, Louis went batshit crazy at me." he sighed, scratching his neck

"Well, we kind of decided it tonight. Are you in?" Liam said, in answer to Zayn's other question. "Louis will be alright," he added.

"Oh okay. Sure, why not! Nice to do something with you again." Zayn smiled and patted Liam's shoulder. Niall sighed.

"Yeah, it should be good," said Liam. "How's Perrie?" he asked. What was up with Niall?

"She's fine." Zayn replied shortly and smiled brightly at Liam, happy to see him. 

Niall pouted.

"That's good to hear," said Liam. "What about you, Niall? You got anyone special?" Liam tried to sound casual, but he knew he was blushing badly.

Niall's ears went red and he stared a little at Liam before answering. "Uh n-no mate." he said. Zayn just smiled and stroked Liam's shoulder.

"Oh," said Liam. He felt like he'd talked himself into a corner and waited for someone else to speak.

"So, uh, what is going on here? You all seem to be a bit shaken." Zayn said.

"We're alright," Liam answered. "Louis just got a bit upset, but he'll be alright.

Zayn nodded, patted Liam's shoulder intriguingly. "I see... He hasn't been himself lately? I heard about... an attempt." he said with a frown. Niall almost growled at the sight of Zayn patting HIS Liam.

"Yeah," said Liam. "I think we need to look out for him." He didn't understand while Niall kept grunting.

"Me too." Zayn said and looked at Niall whose eyes were black. Zayn frowned. "You okay Ni?" he asked.

Liam instantly looked over at Niall to gauge his response.

"No... I'm not okay." Niall sighed annoyingly and chewed a little on his tongue. He hated how Zayn looked at Liam.

"Why's that?" asked Liam, quickly. He bit his lip at the speed of his response, and felt himself colouring all over again.

"I'm worried about Louis and Harry and then I don't like when the snake entangles its victim..." He murmured the last part, meaning it as a metaphor about Zayn putting his arm around Liam.

"Me too," said Liam. "Wait, what was that?"

"Nothin'," Niall answered and rose from the sofa. "I'll be going home now I think. They are not here anyway." he sighed.

"Wait, Niall," said Liam. "Why are you going home? You're coming bowling, right?"

"When is the bowling?" he asked shortly. Zayn just looked clueless at him. 

"It's on Saturday afternoon," he informed them. "Do you want to come, Zayn?"

"Oh okay. Of course I'll come bowling." Niall said, looking at them both.

"Yeah sure!" Zayn smiled.

"Great," said Liam.  
  
__________________________________________________________________________________________ 

_Meanwhile..._

"Louis!" Harry yelled. "Louis, it's okay! Please don't get upset." He bent down beside him and put his hand to Louis's cheek. 

Louis stared frightened at Harry and quickly went backwards, hitting the stony wall. He was panic-stricken, as he had been the day when he was about to jump.

"Louis, hey. Are you hurt?" said Harry, trying to comfort the other boy despite his concern. "It's me. What's wrong? Do you want to talk about it?"

  
"I'm scared, scared scared scared..." Louis repeated on and off while trying to breathe normally but to his dismay it didn't work and more tears streamed down his cheeks.

Harry wrapped his arms around Louis and used his fingers to gently brush away the other boy's tears. "It's okay. You don't need to talk about it," he said. He was trying to convince himself just as much as he was trying to convince Louis.

Louis eventually calmed down when he felt Harry's touch on his face and cuddled closer to Harry. "I'm sorry, I just don't know what's happening with me right now..." he murmured and sighed.

  
"It's okay. Didn't I say we'd work this out?" Harry reassured. "I knew it wasn't going to be easy." He hugged Louis tighter. "I'm so scared of losing you," he shared, a single tear rolling down his cheek.

Louis nodded, noticing his tear and kissed it away. "You wanted to talk earlier... What did you want to talk about?" Louis asked slowly and leaned closer to Harry's arms.

Harry sniffed. "When did I want to talk?" he said, managing a weak smile. 

Louis sobbed a little. "Earlier, a couple of hours ago I think..." 

"I don't remember," he said, sighing. "It was about...Nick. And what happened." Harry was tentative, scared of what Louis's response might be.

Louis nodded slowly, his stomach hurting a little as Harry mentioned Nick. "You love him... right?" he whispered quietly and looked at Harry with big, blue eyes.

Harry could never resist Louis's eyes. They were so beautiful. "Of course I love him - as a friend. But you know you're the only one I want to be with."

"Then why did you leave me?" Louis whispered quietly, his hand reaching for his heart as it started aching from the memories.

"I was...scared," Harry admitted. "I just..." He trailed off.

Louis looked at him, seeing his curls and his beautiful mouth and dimples. He really loved him so much. "You what?" he asked quietly, pushing his hand against his own heart.

When Louis looked at him like that, Harry always melted. "I don't know...I was scared of us...That sounds silly...I...needed space," he stuttered.

"Okay..." Louis said with a nod and relaxed a little when his heart stopped hurting. It always hurt when he was thinking about Harry with someone else. Harry was his and his only.

"I'm sorry," said Harry, thinking he'd offended Louis. He intertwined his hand in Louis's.

Louis shrugged and held Harry's hand softly. "I just love you..." he murmured, his cheeks blushing a little. 

"I know that," Harry whispered. "But do you know /I/ love /you?" He tightened his grip on Louis's hand.

"I think so..." Louis murmured, his phone suddenly buzzing in his pocket which caused him to jerk a little by the sudden vibration to his leg.

Harry thought something was wrong. "What is it, Louis? What's wrong?"

"N-no my phone just buzzed." Louis said and raised himself from the ground, pulling out his phone from his pocket and reading the text message. It was from Eleanor. 

Harry instantly relaxed. So long as Louis was safe, he was happy. "Who's texting?" he asked, nodding at Louis's phone.

"Eleanor." Louis replied shortly and just looked at the message. Why did she wonder about him? Sure they had been friends during their time "together" but she hadn't texted him for a couple of months now. Why did she text him now?

"Eleanor?" Harry quizzed, puzzled. "She hasn't spoken to you in months." He looked at Louis, trying to figure out what the other boy was thinking.

"Yeah I was thinking the same thing..." Louis said and wiped away some dirt from his pants before putting his phone back into his pocket. "I feel better now I think... Should we go back home?" 

"Yeah," said Harry, rising from his sitting position. He offered Louis his hand (the one which wasn't burnt) to help him up. 

Louis gripped it and let Harry help him. "How is your hand?" he then asked worriedly and looked at the bandage he had put on which felt like an eternity ago.

"Oh," said Harry vaguely. "It's fine. Let's go inside." He helped Louis up and they walked toward the house.

"I'm sorry that I ran away... I think I just got like a... uh... psychosis?" Louis said tentative and held Harry's hand tightly.

"It's okay," Harry soothed. "Let's just go back inside and you can have some trifle." 

"Mmm..." Louis said thoughtfully and squeezed Harry's hand tightly. 

"Come on," Harry coaxed. He led Louis to the front door. 

_________________________________________________________________________________________

They heard Louis and Harry coming to the door. Liam looked silently at Niall, wondering what his reaction would be.

"Yeah yeah I'm coming babe." Louis said and entered the house.

Niall's face turned a little sour as Harry and Louis were back. He didn't know if he wanted to meet Harry again since their little fight. Liam noticed Niall's sour expression and started to feel tense.

Harry gave Niall a rather grumpy look and settled down at the table, his arms crossed. 

Louis noticed their shared grumpy looks and he pouted his lips a little, not actually understanding what they were so incredibly angry about.

Niall rolled his eyes, thinking about something and shot off an even angrier stare at Harry. Zayn caught the tension between them and perked his eyebrows.

Harry glared at Niall, his eyes flaming. "I think you should apologise," he choked. 

"For what? I was just joking and then your boyfriend went crazy." Niall scoffed angrily, his ears going a little red as he tensed even more. Louis frowned at Niall's chose of words.

Liam sat awkwardly looking at the ground and picking at his trifle. Zayn looked at Liam playing with his fork and just wanted to go out of there.

"Well, maybe you should keep your sense of humour to yourself!" Harry growled.

"Why? You have always liked it before! You guys always laughed at my jokes! I joke with love!" Niall growled angrily and shook his head in frustration. 

Louis scoffed. "With love." he repeated teasingly, shaking his head as well. Harry looked over at Louis, trying to gauge whether Niall's comment had annoyed him. Louis looked highly annoyed with his face scrunched up in one of his typical bitch faces. 

Niall tensed even more and readied his knuckle to shot off a punch to Louis sassy face.

"Stop it!" Liam shouted suddenly. "Enough is enough!"

Zayn looked at Liam, thinking it was good of him to stand up for them. 

"Yeah, I agree with Liam. Why are you even fighting?" he asked and looked at his friends. 

Niall gritted his teeth once again and sighed annoyingly. He now knew why he had wanted to split the band all those months ago.

Liam looked slightly embarrassed at his own outburst. He looked down at his hands, silently thanking Zayn for stepping in. 

"We're fighting," said Harry, through clenched teeth, "because Niall won't apologise to Louis for upsetting him. I won't be going anywhere with him until he does."

"Uh-huh. I see. Niall stop with your ridiculous acting and apologise to Louis and Louis, stop being so stuck up with yourself and apologise you too, okay?" Zayn said, his voice firm but still nice.

"He won't do it," Harry muttered. "He thinks Louis should apologise.

Zayn sighed and rolled with his eyes. "Sometimes I wonder how you can be the eldest one, Louis. Just apologise to each other! Easy peasy!" he said with a shrug. Niall fumed without saying anything, and so did Louis with his phone ringing suddenly.

"Come on, guys. Zayn's right," Liam contributed.

Niall shrugged, his ears shining red when he heard Liam's pleading. He turned to Louis and whispered a "sorry" which Louis answered with a nod before he answered his phone. "Hello?"

"Hi," replied Eleanor. "How are you?"

Louis frowned. "So-so. And you?" he asked and mimed "sorry" to Niall who was still waiting. Niall nodded and gave hime one of his softest smiles. Zayn nodded pleasingly. Everything was fine, or better at least.

"I was just phoning to see how you were." She sounded nervous. 

Harry fired Niall a grumpy look and gave Louis a curious one. Niall frowned at Harry and shook his head.

"Thank you babe, it is nice of you." Louis smiled, a bit nervous too. They haven't spoken for quite a while. He didn't notice Harry's look.

"How have you been?" she asked. 

"I have been so-so... Struggling with things." he assumed she didn't know about the attempt. He took a piece of the trifle and started eating a couple of pieces of it. It actually tasted very good. Harry was a real good cook. Louis thought he was going to praise him more about it next time he cooked. 

"I...heard," said Eleanor. She gulped, feeling awkward. After all that happened between them, she felt unsure what to say to him. She'd heard about his attempt, but she didn't want him to know that. "How's Harry?"

"Harry is doing well." Louis said softly and looked at Harry when she mentioned his name. He looked so beautiful, as always. He just wanted to wrap himself inside Harry's arms.

Harry looked up at the mention of his name. Then he looked across at Niall, unable to stop being annoyed with him.

"Good," said Eleanor. "Are you okay?" she added. She was worried about Louis because, despite what had happened between them, she cared about him.

"I'm doing okay; things have just been so hard. Glad you're calling though. It is nice of you." he said and smiled warmly, which he hadn't done in the whole day.

Niall sunk down on the couch again, glancing over at Liam. He wanted to tell him how much he felt for him and how jealous he got when Zayn touched him but he knew he would never dare to do so. He wasn't even sure Liam liked boys for that matter.

Liam looked down at his phone, feeling Niall's eyes upon him. He was glad everything had seemingly calmed down a bit. Niall wondered what Liam was doing on his phone. He wanted to take a part of everything Liam did...

Niall shuffled closed to Liam.

Harry was watching Louis intently now, still wondering who had called. It would be good if Louis had someone to talk to, he thought.

"Good, good," said Eleanor. "So...I was thinking maybe we could meet up and catch up with each other?"

"Now?" Louis asked, frowning. He was a bit tired after running away and fighting and everything else that had happened so he didn't really feel to meet up with her right now. 

"No, just some time - any time," Eleanor said, trying to appear casual. 

Liam shuffled, awkwardly, to make room for Niall. Niall smiled at his reaction and shuffled even closer to Liam. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing, just checking my texts," Liam replied. 

Zayn was stuffing himself with trifle.

"Sure, I can text you tomorrow and we can decide which day we are going to meet?" Louis proposed, smiling. He was actually happy she had called him even though the talk had been a bit awkward at the start.

"Anything fun?" Niall asked with a yawn, enjoying talking with Liam without it getting too awkward.

"Okay, that sounds good," said Eleanor. "Listen, I'll call you back some time later. "Bye." 

Harry was looking immensely curious by now.

"No," said Liam, yawning too. 

"Bye babe." Louis replied and ended the call, seeming happier than he had done the whole day. Louis turned around to Harry and smiled at him. "It was Eleanor."

"Okay..." Niall said, a bit disappointed since Liam wasn't talkative with him.

"Oh," said Harry. "What did she want?" 

Liam looked at Niall. "You said...you hadn't got anyone special. I don't suppose you're looking?" He tried to sound nonchalant, but failed miserably.

"She wondered if I wanted to meet her someday." Louis said and looked at Harry with heart eyes, putting Harry's hand into his.

Niall's face went red. "I... I don't have anyone special and I am looking yes..." he whispered. Zayn chuckled at their obviousness.

"What did you say?" Harry asked.

"Oh, right." Liam coughed. "Me too," he blurted out before thinking.

"Eleanor called me. She wanted to meet me some day this week." Louis repeated himself and smiled at Harry.

"Just get on with it guys, it has been obvious since the beginning." Zayn smiled at them and Niall's face turned into as red as an apple.

"No, I meant: what did you /say/? Did you agree to go?" Harry asked. He almost hoped Louis had. Anything that got him out of the house was fine by him. Though he couldn't help but wish /he'd/ been the one to persuade to go out. He pouted at the thought.

"Wha...What are you talking about?" Liam asked, flushing.

"Oh sorry, I misunderstood. I said that I wanted to see her." he said and smiled again. "Hold me?" he then whispered suddenly close to Harry's ear, not minding that the other lads were watching them.

"It is obvious Li," Zayn smiled, gazing over to Harry and Louis, seeing their cuteness and then looking at Liam and Niall again. "You two are in love." he chuckled. Niall made an high pitched noise in embarrassment.

Both Harry and Liam turned to look at Zayn when he made this statement. Liam was blushing furiously. "We..." he gasped. "We're not in love! What are you talking about?"

Louis turned to them as well with a perked eyebrow. He chuckled at them, being more alike his own self than before.

Niall blushed furiously as well, wanting to say something but his tongue didn't obey him, although it hurt a bit when Liam said that they weren't in love.

"What's wrong Niall?" Harry asked slyly. 

Liam was looking at his phone like it was the most interesting thing in the world. He could have kicked himself for not being better at masking his emotions.

Niall tried to say anything but his tongue refused to move the way he wanted. He came to the conclusion that he had gotten his tongue-tied. "Bollocks." he thought annoyingly. How embarrassing wasn't that?! 

Zayn punched Liam's shoulder friendly. "Liaaaam~" he sung out, trying to get Liam's attention. Louis suddenly laughed.

Liam looked up sharply. "What?" he asked. "I'm trying to send a text here. But he was happy to hear Louis laugh. 

Harry's heart leapt when he heard Louis's laugh. He laughed along.

"Texting whom? Just confess already! You're head over heels in love, seriously guys! We already have two gays here in our group, why not have two more?" he joked cheekily and took Liam's phone away from him. Louis laughed even more; he thought the whole situation was so funny.

Liam looked flustered. "I don't know what you're talking about." He turned to Niall. "Do you have any idea what he's on about?" 

Harry found himself laughing without even knowing why. Louis was just so infectious when he laughed.

"Y-yeah..." Niall blurted out, his eyes growing a little bigger as his tongue finally worked. "I-I do know what he is on about." he murmured and gave off a fake cough. "I... I have been interested in you for... uhm... quite a while..." he whispered the last part.

Zayn pointed at Harry and then at Liam. "See! I knew!"

Louis laugh crows appeared at the edge of his eyes as he stopped laughed and smiled instead. He looked like the old, happy Louis, just a bit emaciated.

Harry was delighted to see Louis's response. He didn't even take anything. He just stared at Louis and admired how amazing he looked.

"Niall," Liam said seriously. "Could I have a word with you outside?"

"Sure..." Niall said embarrassed and rose from the sofa to go out on the balcony. 

Zayn chuckled at them and leaned backwards in the sofa, /very/ pleased with himself. 

Louis kept smiling.

 

* * *

Liam walked into the living room, fidgeting nervously. "Niall, what was that?" He sounded mildly annoyed.

Niall blushed furiously and stared at his toes. This was a bad, bad idea. Brain, why don't you do the way I want?! He thought and knocked on his head a couple of times before looking at Liam.

"I... I..." he was unsure on what to say.

"I...thought...I thought you liked girls!" he blurted out.

"I do like girls too, but... I think I like boys as well!" Niall exclaimed.

"You...That doesn't make sense!" said Liam. He didn't know what to say. Niall's confession had shocked him and he didn't know how to react.

"I'm sorry! I'm just confused!" Niall blurted out and flung a little with his arms. He didn't know what to say nor how to react about this. The only thing he knew what that he liked Liam a lot... And Liam had seemed to like him, hadn't he? Niall remembered the time at the live tour when Liam had said to the public "Niall is cute, isn't he?" and the public had replied that he was and then Niall had blushed like crazy.

"Look, I don't know how to deal with this!" said Liam. He was as annoyed with himself as he was with Niall, more so even. He didn't want to reject Niall; he was just scared of admitting the truth. 

The truth was that he'd suspected he might be gay for a long time. He'd tried to hide it, but Niall just brought feelings out in him which were hard to deny and impossible to suppress.

"Well, clearly I don't know how to deal with it either so we are two in the same boat!" Niall said, blushing awfully, fidgeting on the place where he sat.

"What do you mean you don't know how to deal with it?" Liam said angrily. He knew he shouldn't be taking out his confusion and frustration on Niall, but he couldn't help himself. 

When he saw Niall blush, he couldn't help but think how cute it made him look.

Niall looked a little hurt as Liam had sounded angry at him.

"I'm just as confused as you are. I don't know if I even like guys but... just... Whenever I'm around you I just feel something different... And no one can make me blush like you." Niall said, blush spreading from his neck and all over his face and head.

"To hell with it!" said Liam, pulling Niall towards him and kissing him.


	4. Chapter 4

Niall's face exploded in red as he felt Liam's soft lips against his. His heart beat speeded up as his mind raced, thinking about if he should reply the kiss or not.

He took a quick but deep breath through his nose and closed his eyes, trying to kiss Liam back as calm and sensible as possible.

Liam couldn't believe it was happening. He was kissing Niall! What had possessed him to make him do this? He felt himself running out of air, before he remembered to breathe through his nose.

Niall's lips were soft against his, and he seemed to be responding to the kiss. Liam's heart raced. His palms were sweaty.

Their chests brushed as Niall leaned into Liam; he slowly put his arms around Liam's neck, still holding the kiss between them. He had no idea though how he could've mustered the courage to this.

Suddenly Liam found himself wondering what he was doing. This couldn't be happening! He wasn't gay. Was he?

He abruptly pulled away from the kiss.

Niall perked his eyebrows as Liam pulled away from him. Had he done something wrong? He looked at Liam with concern.

Liam rubbed his hands over his face and pulled at his hair. "I...I'm sorry about that," he said, dazed.

Niall just bit his lips without answering, staring down at the floor while his heartbeat still beat like a jungle drum. Liam hated him.

Liam hated to see Niall so distraught, but he didn't know what to do. He just looked down at his fingernails and waited for Niall to speak.

Niall swung around, shaking his head. How could he even had believed that Liam would feel something for him? Sure he had kissed him but that didn't really mean anything. He started to walk while a tear leaked out of his left eye.

A cold, sad feeling washed over Liam. Niall was walking away - and he was walking away crying. Liam knew that he had done that.

"Niall," he said, hoping Niall might give him a chance to explain himself.

Niall turned around and looked at Liam. "Yes?" he asked with his voice hoarse. He looked so sad, sadder than ever before.

It killed Liam to see Niall so sad. He cleared his throat. "Look, Niall," he began, "I've been thinking for a while that I might...not only be interested in girls..."

That wasn't strictly true. He was wondering if he was interested in girls at all.

Niall just nodded, looking at Liam with tear-filled blue eyes as he was hoping deeply that Liam would continue to talk.

Liam sighed. "Look, I...If I'm radically honest, I'm scared. I don't know what's going on in my own head." He swallowed, hoping Niall would understand.

Niall gave off a shrug. "I don't know either, to be honest," he said.

Liam stared at him. "But...you're...you're...You don't seem bothered by everything at all?" he quizzed.

"Well no... I have been quite sure of my feelings for a long time."

Liam blushed and fidgeted. "I guess I'm just confused about...Are we gay?" Liam asked the question which had been preying on his mind for ages.

"I don't know Li... Maybe we are just bi-curious?" Niall said with a shrug and looked at Liam with big eyes. "At least I know I have feelings for you..." he then said and blushed.

"Bi-curious?" said Liam, trying to remain sensible and coherent despite how much his heart swelled when Niall admitted his feelings. "Isn't that just what people call themselves when they don't want to admit that they're gay?"

"I don't know Li. I've just heard it. I think Harry mentioned it before." Niall said with another shrug and smiled shyly at Liam. Suddenly, he didn't know what to say or what to look at. Everything felt so embarrassing.

"Oh, Harry mentioned it, did he?" said Liam bitterly. "Well, look at him. He's gay, right? I mean even if you are...bi-curious or bisexual...what difference does it make if you end up with a guy? The stigma's the same!" He crossed his arms defensively. "I can't be gay..." he said, sounding close to tears.

Niall perked his eyebrows at Liam and sighed slightly. "What is so dangerous with being gay then? You can't exactly help what you fall in love with... It just something you do." he said, sitting down on a nearby chair and looking at Liam. He tried to hear what the others' were doing but he couldn't hear anything.

"Niall, I know people...culture...has come a long way since homosexuality was illegal, but a lot of people still don't like it," he said, chewing his lip nervously. "I just don't want to be the 'gay' guy. You know what I mean? I don't suddenly want people to think differently of me or not like me anymore..." He stopped for a breath, terrified he'd said too much.

Niall stared at Liam for a couple of seconds before he got up from the chair, wandering around in a circle, trying to ease his now hysterical breathing/crying and eventually he sat down on the chair again and just stared out in nowhere.

"So... you mean that..." He got quiet."You're talking like management... They did everything in their power to hide the love between Harry and Louis and... Well, now you sound like one of _them_ ," he growled and stared at Liam while tears collected in his eyes. "You are telling me that you care _more_ about your reputation than your feelings for me!" he blurted out, the tears leaking over the edges of his eyes' corners. "I can't believe this!"

"Look!" Liam shouted, angry. "I try and explain things to you and you just have a go at me! This conversation is over!" He stalked over to the door, annoyed with himself for opening up so much. He shouldn't have believed Niall would understand.

"I know you are and I know this is hard for you but listen to what you are saying Liam!" Niall screamed and got off the chair to go after him.

"Leave me alone, Niall!" Liam shouted, whirling round to face the blond boy. "You've made your opinion of me crystal clear," he added bitterly, though his voice was quieter.

"What do you mean?" Niall growled, clenching his fists as more tears made their way down his cheeks. He hated this. He hated fighting with the one person he cared most about. He hated seeing Liam so angry with him.

"Niall, I don't want to talk with you right now!" Liam growled. "Haven't I made that abundantly clear?" He hated to see Niall cry, but he was too angry to do anything about it. He felt hurt that Niall had accused him of being like management.

"I'm sorry if I hurt you by telling you that you're like management, I didn't mean it! But you hurt me with saying that you don't want people to change their views on you just because you might come out as bi or gay!" Niall finally said, sobbing a little as the anger faded out and turned into sadness instead.

Liam stared at him. He thought about denying that Niall's words had hurt him; he thought about refusing to apologise. But when he looked into Niall's eyes he couldn't help but reach out his arms and pull Niall into a hug, at the same time whispering, "I'm sorry...so sorry."

Niall cuddled close to Liam and slowly put his arms around him, enjoying being this close to Liam. "I'm sorry too mate..." he murmured and sobbed a little."I didn't mean to make you angry nor hurt you, I really didn't..." he whispered and stroke Liam's back slowly with his fingers.

In spite of himself, Liam started sobbing. His shoulders shook and he buried his face in Niall's shoulder. "I'm sorry," he said. "This is my fault..."

"It is ok mate... It's okay..." Niall murmured, sobbing as well while holding Liam closer. "I'm here..."

"I just..." Liam shuddered. "I just...don't want to hurt you, but I'm so confused. I'd never judge you for being gay. I...'I'm worried other people will judge us...I'm worried _I'll_...judge _me_."

Niall nodded, understanding Liam much more now than before. He understood what he meant and that he was scared. Niall was scared too but at the same time he had never actually cared what anyone thought of him since he didn't really think high of himself. He always got so embarrassed whenever anyone told him he was cute or beautiful.

Liam stroked the other boy's hair. "You're amazing," he breathed, still sniffing. "I don't think - if we ever got together - I'd even deserve you." His breath hitched painfully.

Niall perked his eyebrows and held Liam tighter when Liam said "...I'd even deserve you".

"Of course you'd deserve me, Liam; don't say things like that..." Niall murmured, stroking Liam's back lovingly, hugging him closer to his body.

"I won't argue with you, but that's not true," he whispered. "Are we...going out?" he added, tentatively.

"Why not? It is true..." Niall murmured and looked at Liam when he said "...going out". "...if you want to."

"I want to but..." Liam flushed. "We should do it properly. I should...ask you out," he said, twiddling his thumbs.

"Or I can ask you out." Niall smiled and stroke away a tear from Liam's cheek.

"Eh..." Liam muttered, unsure what to say. He looked down at the ground, trying to avoid Niall's eyes.

Niall retrieved his hand and looked down at Liam's feet.

The silence which followed was very awkward. Liam started chewing on his fingernails nervously. It had always been a bad habit of his. His parents had tried to stop him from doing it, but they'd never quite managed.

Niall turned away from Liam and sat down on the chair again, fiddling with his fingers and just waiting for something to happen. He didn't dare to say anything himself.

That moment, the door opened and Harry walked in. He obviously guessed that he'd walked in on something important because his mouth flew open and he instantly said, "Sorry."

Niall just stared at him and then he smiled a little. It was nice someone came in and broke the tension. "Uhm... How is Louis?" Niall asked softly.

"Fine," said Harry shortly. There was a note of tension in his voice. "Should I go?" he asked, looking from Niall to Liam and then from Liam to Niall.

"No... Or - uh - I dunno..." Niall said awkwardly and fidgeted on his place. He wondered why Harry was so tense when it came to Louis. He had apologized to him before...

Liam's silence was deafening. Harry looked across at him and said, "Do you two...want more trifle?" Harry didn't quite seem himself; he seemed a bit jittery.

"Sure but... Did something happen?" Niall asked worriedly; he could see Harry was jittery all over.

"No, nothing," said Harry, a little too quickly. "I'll go and get trifle?" He looked over at Liam who seemed to wake up from his daydream.

"Yeah, thanks," said Liam. "I'd love to have some."

Niall chewed his lips, wondering what had happened. He didn't like it when Harry was acting like this and he had been on and off like this the whole way and Niall didn't like it at all. In fact, it stressed him a little.

"Sure trifle is good." Niall then said.

"Okay, I'll get some," said Harry in clipped tones. He turned and left the room.

Liam turned to face Niall. "What's up with him?" he said.

Niall tensed a little when Liam spoke to him, though his cheeks still blushed. "I have no idea," he finally said, shrugging his shoulders.

"Do you think it's to do with Louis?" said Liam who, in his curiosity about Harry's behaviour, had forgotten to be embarrassed around Niall.

"I do. Otherwise he wouldn't be so tense... I wonder what happened." Niall said, wondering and gave Liam a soft look. He wanted him to know that he would give him as much time as he wanted.

"Should we go and join everyone?" Liam asked. His heart fluttered when Niall looked at him like that.

"Yeah sure... but Liam, I want you to know that you don't have to decide now if you want to get together with me or not... It's your decision and I respect whatever your choice is going to be," Niall said, his voice soft as he spoke to Liam.

Liam blushed. "Of course I want to get together with you; I'm just not good at...expressing my feelings. Being with a guy is new to me."

"It's new for me too Li. We just have to work it out somehow." Niall said softly, raising himself from the chair and positioned himself in front of Liam, gripping his hands.

Liam tightened the grip. "Yeah, I'll try my best. I've just got one question," he said, his tone taking on a lighter quality.

Niall looked at him with sparkling eyes, a smile hinting on his lips as he waited for Liam to tell him.

"Can I kiss you?" he asked, looking straight into Niall's eyes.

Niall's heart sped up as he heard Liam's words. His face flushed. "Y-yes..."

Liam leaned forward and took Niall's face in his hands. He then proceeded to kiss him passionately.

Niall drew a quick breath before Liam's lips touched his. He closed his eyes and sucked the whole moment into his memory like a sponge before he slowly but passionately returned the kiss.

Liam remembered to breathe through his nose from the start this time. Niall's lips were soft and warm. He moved his hands down Niall's back, still kissing.

Niall shuddered slightly by Liam's touch and held him a bit tighter against his body, still kissing Liam's soft lips. He had been longing for this moment.

Liam gently pulled out of the kiss, shy of continuing. He pulled Niall to him and kissed his forehead. "That was amazing," was all he said.

"Yes... It was..." Niall murmured, his cheeks blushing as he looked at Liam. "You are beautiful... and a good kisser."

"You too," said Liam, leaning in sleepily for a moment before saying, "Shall we go through and get that trifle? Harry doesn't seem to bringing it." He giggled.

"Yeah, we should." Niall said, his cheeks still blushing furiously. Niall enveloped his hand around Liam's as they went out of the room, heading for the kitchen.

\----------

_Meanwhile..._

Louis was sitting on one of the chairs in the kitchen, fixing his shirt frantically. It was almost like he didn't want anyone to see it. He then looked at Harry and his stomach got a little cold as Harry didn't look back at him. What had he done wrong? Was Harry texting? Yes he was... Why? Was he texting with Nick? Louis bit his lips and feared the worst. He was almost 100% sure that Harry was texting with Nick.

 _Why don't you want to be with me?_ Louis thought and looked at Harry with sad eyes. _He's leaving me again_...he thought, his mind going into a frenzy as he remembered the night when he jumped. Suddenly, he wanted to do it again. He got off his chair and started walking to the door.

Harry was looking at the news on his phone, totally distraught about the amount of gossip the so called newspaper was filled with. One article commented on Louis's decreasing frame and suggested that he was suffering from an eating disorder. This really annoyed Harry. Why couldn't the press keep their damn noses out of things?

He saw Louis move towards the door and said, "Where are you going, babe?"

Louis quickly turned around and looked at Harry with dim eyes. "J-jumping." he replied with a hoarse voice before opening the door with a shaky hand. Flashes of paparazzi cameras flashed in front of him as soon as the door opened.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took such a long time to update! We haven't had the time to roleplay until recently. This chapter contains sex.
> 
> Hope you'll like this chapter!

Harry moved over to shut it quickly. "What did you say?" he demanded, sounding angry because of how scared he felt. Had he heard that right?

Louis stared blankly in front of him, still dazed by the amount of flashes. He stared at his hand and blinked a couple of time before turning his gaze to Harry. "I can't go jumping now..." he said slowly.

Harry took him by the shoulders. "What the hell are you talking about, Lou?" he said.

"I can't go j-jumping when there're paparazzi outside..." Louis murmured, staring at one spot on Harry's face with his eyes still a bit misty. Almost like he was somewhere else.

"Lou..." said Harry, trying to swallow down his fear, "Lou, you're scaring me now." His voice was filled with urgency. He stared straight into Louis's eyes and was scared by the lack of response he saw in them.

Louis looked back at him with misty, cerulean blue eyes, his lips tightly shut together.

Harry pinched the bridge in his nose. He was exhausted by all of this. "Lou, just...go to bed, alright?" He couldn't deal with this, and he felt sure it wasn't safe for Louis to go out on his own - not when he was like this.

"I don't want to go to bed..." Louis murmured, his voice only a hoarse whisper, "I'm not tired..." He slowly slumped down on the floor, leaning against the wall.

"Well could you - for me?" said Harry. "I'll...bring you up some soup," he added, hoping to get Louis to eat. He was starting to worry about that now. Louis had been losing substantial amounts of weight lately; it didn't seem healthy.

Louis just shrugged without an answer. He seemed so confused and exhausted at the same time. "I'll go upstairs..." he finally said, slowly raising himself from the floor. He started go up the stairs when he heard Niall and Liam shouting at each other, wondering what they were fighting about.

Harry heard the raised voices, and was annoyed at the fact that something else was going on which might upset Louis - his poor Louis. "Yeah," he said gently. "I'll be up in a bit." He said this, because he didn't want Louis to think he was checking up on him.

"Okay..." Louis replied without a sign of relief or happiness, just blank apathy before he walked up the rest of the stairs, sneaking into his and Harry's shared room.

Harry started clearing away the dishes. He sighed. He was tired, but he was glad to know that Louis was safe. He knew he should really have waited longer, but he snuck upstairs sooner than he should have, baring a cup of hot chocolate. He opened the door to their room.

Louis was lying on top of the bed, only in his boxers, playing with his phone. His body looked a bit too small compared to the big bed and his ribs were showing more than the day before. He turned his gaze to Harry when he heard him coming into the room and his eyes were their usual colour.

Harry came over to the bed and sat down. He handed Louis the hot chocolate, smiling. "I thought you could do with this," he said. He was concerned at how thin Louis was. His ribs were sticking out. It made Harry uneasy. 'The papers aren't right, are they?' he thought, before pushing it out of his mind.

Louis took the cup and placed it on his bedside table. "Thank you." he replied, smiling and cuddled close to Harry's warm body. "I'm sorry that I've been such a mess today..."

"You're a beautiful mess," Harry whispered, breathing in Louis's scent. His voice took on a playful tone as he said, "We should...go out and do something tomorrow. You know - something fun."

Louis dug his fingers into Harry's hair and leaned his head in Harry's neck. "Like what?" Louis asked, enjoying being so close with Harry and to be able to play with his curls.

"You decide," said Harry simply. He kissed Louis's hair and softly brushed it with his hands. "I don't mind."

"I don't know..." Louis said with a shrug, enjoying feels Harry's fingers through his hair. He reached for the cup and drunk a couple of gulps. The sweetness of the chocolate made his stomach twist a little.

"Is it nice?" asked Harry, eyeing the cup hopefully. He looked at Louis's hand which he used to hold it. It looked small, too bony. Harry was suddenly over-whelmed with his desire to protect Louis. He wanted to look after him and make sure he was safe.

Louis nodded slightly, drinking a couple of gulps before placing it back on the bedside table. His stomach twisted again, making him feel a bit sick.

Harry noticed Louis's slightly queasy expression. "You alright, babe?" he asked. "It isn't too sugary is it?"

"It's all right, don't worry..." Louis murmured and put his hand on his stomach. It growled slightly and twisted a bit. Was he going to throw up? He had no idea. He wasn't familiar with his body anymore and it worried him a little bit.

"You okay?" Harry looked concerned. "If you don't like it, I can change it." He reached over towards the cup, as if to take it away, before drawing his hand back quickly. He was scared of Louis refusing food in any form.

"No, don't go away. Stay here with me." Louis murmured and cuddled closer to Harry while the nausea in his stomach grew stronger. He wondered if there was something living inside him, wanting him to die.

"Okay," said Harry softly, pulling Louis closer to him. His eyes moistened a little at how small and fragile Louis felt beside him.

He was so scared of losing him. He's been terrified the night Louis had tried to...But he should forget about that. He wasn't going to think about that now. He pulled Louis even tighter to him, just trying to reassure himself.

Harry eyes widened. "What?" he said, his face as white as a sheet. He pressed his hnad lightly against Louis's stomach. "Wh...What do you mean?"

Louis shrugged slowly with his shoulders and looked at Harry's beautiful face.

"I don't know... I'm just thinking..." Louis murmured, his eyes going a bit dim as he was thinking of something.

"What were you thinking of?" Harry coaxed gently. He started to gently massage Louis's shoulders.

"N-no I don't know..." Louis said and gave Harry a sudden frightened look. He was acting quite odd. Louis shrugged again and buried his face into Harry's neck. "Just let me be with you..."

"Okay," said Harry, thinking he understood. "I'll shut up now." He removed his hands from Louis's shoulders, thinking Louis hadn't liked the massage.

"No... Talk to me. I love your voice..." Louis murmured softly and enveloped his hand around Harry's, enjoying the warmth as usual.

"I don't have anything to say," said Harry blankly.

Louis gave him a quick look of worry. "I see," he murmured. "How are you feeling?" he then asked, tracing his index finger along Harry's stomach.

"Fine..." Harry sighed, enjoying the feel of Louis touching him.

"You sure?" Louis asked tracing his fingers slowly over Harry's face and trickling them into Harry's curls, enjoying the softness.

"I..." Harry breathed, unable to concentrate. Louis always knew how to distract him. He knew what to do to make his heart beat faster and...

Louis suddenly climbed on top Harry, brushing their chests together as his face leaned closer to Harry's, slowly pecking Harry's lips with his own.

Harry put his arms around Louis's neck and pulled his face closer. He relaxed into the kiss, deepening it and stroking his hands on Louis's hair.

Louis took the opportunity to dig his fingers into Harry's lovely curls as he pushed him softly against Harry's body, hoping not to sting him with his slight protruding bones. Louis slowly started licking Harry's lips, begging for entrance.

Harry opened his mouth obediently and gave Louis entrance. He clawed at Louis's shirt with his fingers, moving his hands up to undo the top button.

Louis slowly entered Harry's mouth with this tongue. He tasted Harry's raw taste for a moment before he found Harry's tongue and entangled his own tongue around it, licking and sucking it.

Harry gave his senses over to Louis's taste, to the feel of Louis's tongue against his, to the warm wetness of Louis's mouth. He undid another of the buttons on Louis's shirt, slowly, and smoothed his hand down the rest of the buttons, playing with them.

Louis pushed his body a bit tighter to Harry, enjoying his touch and kissing him smoother. He loved this; he loved being close to Harry.

Harry took one of Louis's hands and guided it over to his shirt button, indicating that he wanted Louis to undo it. He love Louis's warmth; he loved to feel Louis's firm body against his.

Louis clumsily started unbuttoning Harry's shirt with shaking fingers. He hadn't been this close to Harry since the X-factor and he had been longing for this so much. It was almost like he couldn't contain himself as he started ravaging Harry's buttons.

Harry was turned on by Louis's excitement. He loved it when it seemed like Louis couldn't resist him. He would have unbuttoned Louis's shirt just as quickly, but he wanted to wait - even make Louis wait.

Louis drew off Harry's shirt with quick fingers, still with his lips pressed against Harry's.

He felt his heart pound at 200 beats a minute when Louis flung his shirt off like that. His breathing quickened and he reached up to undo another of Louis's buttons, still slow.

Louis broke the kiss and instead he gave Harry's neck small kisses blended with nibbling and his fingers intertwined in Harry's curls as he kissed him even more.

Harry gasped as Louis's lips touched his neck. He loved the feel of Louis's fingers in his hair. Back in the days of the X Factor, he had always loved it when Louis played with his curls .A lot of things had changed since then, but not that.

Harry gasped as Louis's lips touched his neck. He loved the feel of Louis's fingers in his hair. Back in the days of the X Factor, he had always loved it when Louis played with his curls. A lot of things had changed since then, but not that.

Louis's touch made Harry feel like his chest would burst. "Lou," he whined, as Louis's finger came down his nipple.

Harry moaned and bent his neck to give Louis easy access and reached up to undo another of Louis's buttons. "You should take your shirt off, babe," he said, breathing heavily.

Even in his...excited stated...Harry couldn't help but feel a pang of concern when he saw how thin Louis had become. He was sure he'd been fuller just a few days ago - even a few hours ago. A silly thought, but it almost seemed true.

Harry gasped again when Louis began to suck his nipple. He reached up one of his legs and slipped it up over Louis's back. The other leg would have followed, but he hesitated.

Louis saw Harry's concern reflect in his eyes and stopped his licking for a moment."What is it?" he whispered, his voice hot as he helped Harry's other leg over his back.

"I..." Harry swallowed, unsure how to continue. "You're okay?" He asked, cupping Louis's face with his hands. He gently drummed his legs on Louis's back briefly, before stopping, wondering if he had hurt him. It wouldn't hurt anyone ordinarily, but he was always worried about things hurting Louis these days.

Louis nodded slightly. "I'm more than okay; I've been longing for this for such a long time..." he murmured and moved a strand of hair from Harry's face, pecking his lips. He didn't really get what Harry was talking about; he didn't see himself as too thin.

"Me too," Harry breathed. He gave Louis's back a massage with his legs before stilling them. Louis looked gorgeous tonight - well, he always did.

Louis gave him an approving smile and returned to his nipple kissing while he moved a little against Harry's crotch with his own. The friction made him moan slightly.

Harry moaned at Louis's movement. "Lou, that's...so good," he gasped, before adding. "You're so gorgeous." He might as well tell Louis what he'd been thinking all night - well, ever since he'd met him really.

"Mmmh you feel so good..." Louis murmured, playing with Harry's both nipples this time while moving a bit faster against Harry's crotch. "Ahh... Harry..." he moaned close to Harry's ear.

Louis smirked to himself and rubbed himself even more before his fingers gripped the side of Harry's boxers, slowly pulling them off.

Harry moaned and felt his face grow as hot as the Sahara. His heart was beating even harder as Louis slid down his boxers. "Lou, what do you..." he gasped trailing off.

Louis slid off his boxers and slowly put his hand around Harry's member, touching the head with his thumb and he slowly leaned down to Harry's chest, pulling his hot mouth over Harry's nipples again.

Harry was already half-hard. He gasped when Louis touched him there and gasped when when he felt Louis's mouth over his nipples. "Lou, do you want to..." Harry breathed.

"Want what Hazza?" Louis whispered, teasing Harry's hard nipples with his fingers and looking at Harry with big eyes. He loved seeing Harry like this.

He started moving his hand that he had around Harry's hand slightly.

Harry looked up at him, his eyes almost pleading. "Lou, do you want to...fuck me?" It hadn't been the only thing he'd wanted to say, but he couldn't bring himself to say the other thing...not quite.

Louis let out a small laugh and nodded. "Yes Hazza, I want to fuck you real hard," he replied in a sassy voice and moved his hand around Harry's member faster.

Harry moaned when he did that. "Lou...f..." He trailed off, breathing heavily. Something about Louis's touch made him completely unravel; he found himself losing control.

Louis grinned widely and started moving his hand faster while he returned to his teasingly licking at Harry's nipples. When he thought they were teased enough, he slowly went down to Harry's down parts and, with his tongue, started playing a little with Harry's member.

"Lou, what..." Harry didn't seem able to complete a sentence at the moment. He just surrendered to Louis's touch, wanting to feel every single thing. He moaned when Louis licked him there.

Louis grinned even wider and took it slowly into his mouth. He licked the top furiously with his tongue and massaged Harry's balls as he started bobbing his head up and down.

Harry moaned and gasped. "Lou...that's so..." He moved his hand down to touch Louis's hair and smoothed his finger through it gently.

Goosebumps covered Louis body as Harry touched his hair; it made him even crazy than before. He gradually moved his head faster and massaged Harry's ball softer as he took Harry deeper into his mouth.

"Lou...fuck," Harry gasped when Louis took him into his mouth. Harry seldom swore but he had a rather dirty mouth in the bedroom.

Louis let go of Harry and instead he put two of his fingers into Harry's mouth. "Lick them." he demanded, giving him a sassy but still soft stare while he was jerking Harry off with his free hand.

Harry obeyed immediately. He loved it when Louis showed his bossy side. In the bedroom, it turned him on. Outside of it - though he might not admit it - it still turned him on.

Louis moaned a little as Harry was sucking his fingers. When he thought Harry had wetted them enough he took them out of his mouth, kissing him for a moment before he carefully put them into Harry's puckered hole.

That shocked Harry a bit and he almost jumped, but he calmed himself almost instantly. He relaxed and let Louis touch him and test him.

Louis caught his lips while he played a little with the fingers around and a little inside Harry's hole. "Easy... I won't hurt you..." he murmured, hoping that his bones wouldn't hurt Harry's body.

Harry felt calm when he heard Louis's voice and settled down. He grimaced when Louis's bones dragged across his body, worried again.

Louis kissed him tenderly, trying to relax him as he moved his fingers softly and carefully in and out of Harry's hole while his other hand jerked him off.

Harry deepened the kiss briefly, before breaking away. "Say something...dirty, Lou," he moaned.

"You look so incredible hot when you are moaning like that Harry. I want to thrust so hard into you that you won't be able to walk tomorrow..." Louis whispered hotly in Harry's ear.

Harry moaned deeply, gasping. "Lou, I want...ahh," he managed. He felt himself harden; it was enough just to hear Lou talk to him like that.

"Hmm... You want me to be inside you, right? Huh, you want that?" Louis whispered, removing his fingers and aligning his erection with Harry's hole, touching the opening with the head of his erection.

"Yes," Harry gasped. "Fuck me, Lou." He looked right into Louis's eyes, fixing him intently.

That was enough for Louis to make his final move as he thrust deeply and rough inside Harry without question. He moaned loudly as Harry's walls clamped around him. "So hot!" he exclaimed and leaned over Harry as he moved deeper into him.

Harry gasped. "Lou, do you..." he gasped. He was panting now and arching up to give Louis easy access.

"Me what?" Louis moaned as he was now fully inside Harry.

"Fuck," Harry gasped, as he felt Louis now fully inside him. In answer to Louis question he mumbled incoherently, panting all the time.

Louis just chuckled and started moving roughly inside Harry, he gradually sped up when he had found the right rhythm.

Harry moaned and bucked against Louis. "That's...so...good," he panted.

"Ah Harry!" Louis moaned as he reached Harry's prostate, a small voice in his head told him to be careful with his bony body but it was hard since Harry was driving him crazy. He thrust against Harry's prostate a few times, his moans getting louder for each thrust.

"Keep doing...that," Harry moaned. He registered Louis's small body flush against him and felt that same pang of concern.

"I will - no worries. You won't be able to walk tomorrow..." Louis moaned as he struck Harry's prostrate again, harder this time.

It turned Harry on when Louis talked to him like that. "If I can't walk...who's doing the cooking?" he said laughingly; he was joking, but he didn't want Louis to over-strain himself. It was important Louis stayed well.

Louis laughed though it made him not as turned on as before. Why did Harry even say that? Louis stopped moving for a moment and just gazed at Harry. "That was a total turn off..." he murmured.

"I...sorry," Harry murmured. He was a little hurt that Louis would say that to him and, despite their position and the feel of Louis inside him, began to feel a little more annoyed than turned on.

Louis noticed that Harry was getting turned off as well and slipped out of him without saying anything. The moment he had been waiting for had been shattered into pieces.

Harry felt unsatisfied and exposed. He began to hunt around for his boxers. "Let's forget we did this!" he said irritably. "I knew it was a bad idea!"

Louis grunted without saying anything and hastily put on his boxers. He hated himself. Everything felt bad and he felt embarrassed and unsatisfied. Why did Harry have to say a thing like that and why did he have to open his mouth like that? Fuck it.

"I don't know what you're looking so irritated for," growled Harry. "You're the one who ruined this!" He shoved on his boxers and started scanning the floor for his jeans.

Louis furrowed his brows and stared at Harry, his gaze hurt and irritated at the same time.

"I am the one that ruined this? Well you started talking about food!" he growled angrily and shook his head while he put on his shirt in haste.

Harry was struggling with his jeans by this point. "Well, at least I'm not the one, who went on about how I 'wouldn't be able to walk,'" he sneered. "That was a turn-off."

This was a blatant lie and Harry knew it, but he didn't care.

Louis eyebrows perked and he almost laughed as Harry was lying to his face but he wouldn't let Harry win. "Then I won't touch you again." Louis growled, putting his pants on and staring down at the floor while his stomach suddenly growled loudly but he didn't care. He felt like he didn't care about anything right now. He was furious.

"Fine, well I'll just have to find someone who does want me then," said Harry childishly. "As for you, you need to stop taking everything so personally and start fucking eating something!" With those words, he viciously pulled the zip on his jeans.

Louis stared at him for a moment before taking Harry's every word, the only words that stuck though were, 'Well I'll just have to find someone who does want me then.' The past months went like frenzy inside his head as he remembered when Harry moved to Nick and left Louis confused and all by his own. Was he going to go through that again?

"Are you going to eat something?" Harry asked sharply, tugging on his shirt. He kicked his feet about, trying to find his shoes.

Louis just silently looked at the floor, trying to sort everything out that Harry had said and when he had dressed himself he just plopped down on the bed without saying anything for a while. "Y-yes..." he replied after two minutes.

"What do you want - since I will be doing the cooking now?" said Harry, emphasising the last words carefully.

Louis shrugged, completely lost in himself. He was just thinking about Nick and Harry.

"Louis," Harry urged, "what do you want, huh?"

"I can cook no problem..." Louis answered silently and turned his gaze to Harry, looking at him.

Harry thought of making a snarky comment but was concerned about Louis so let it slide. He put his hands on his hips. "So what are you making?"

"I don't know...What time is it?" Louis asked simply and looked at Harry.

"It's about eight," said Harry, glancing at his watch. He was buttoning up his last few buttons. "What are you having then?" His tone was still cold.

"I don't know Harold." Louis sneered and rose from the bed. "I'll go out." he then said. "Fix your own food."

"No I won't," Harry growled. "Don't even think about it!"

"Why not? Am I now not allowed to do what the hell I want?" Louis growled and shot of an angry stare at Harry.

"Not when you try and go off and top yourself the moment you're left to your own devices!" Harry spat.

Louis shook his head and gave Harry a deadly stare. "So what the fuck am I supposed to do then?"

"You're supposed to sit down and eat something!" Harry screamed. "All this time you've not been eating a fucking sprig of parsley and you expect me not to be worried?!" Harry could feel hot tears pricking in his eyes, threatening to spill over.

Louis turned his gaze from Harry and down to the floor again, feeling a bit humiliated but mostly embarrassed as Harry was screaming the truth right to him. He had never wanted to worry Harry like that but he just wasn't hungry anymore. He didn't want to have food and there was nothing Harry could do about it, not now at least...

"Well?" Harry screamed. One of the tears which had been threatening to spill finally did fall and he hastily and roughly wiped it away. A red streak where it had been rubbed was clearly visible.

"I don't know! Okay! I don't KNOW!" Louis screamed loudly as he rushed through the room and out of the door. He couldn't be in the same room as Harry when Harry was crying, he just couldn't. It was too much for him.

Harry's footsteps were clearly audible as he ran after him. "Louis!" he yelled, through tears. "Don't just run away!"

Louis froze on the spot and turned around to face Harry. He didn't know what to say or what to do, at all. He felt panic welling up inside him.

"Louis, come back inside!" Harry was literally pleading now. "To hell with this, Louis, I've had enough." His voice cracked and tears were visibly streaked down his cheeks.

Louis slowly moved back to Harry, the panic inside him threatening to flow over as his mind was in a high drive. He gazed at Harry with a questioning look while trying to swallow his panic.

"Just..." Harry suddenly slumped; he looked tired. "Just come inside and eat something, please - for me."

Louis nodded, incapable of doing anything. He would do anything to have Harry stay with him. He went inside and went to the fridge to look for something to eat.

Harry trooped in, following him. "What do you want?" he asked, sniffing. "I'll make it," he added.

"N-no, it's okay, Harry... Please I can make something of my own... Do whatever you want to do..." Louis whispered as he looked through the fridge. He didn't find anything he wanted.

"So what are you having then?" Harry was standing over him like a hawk. He was behind him also looking at the fridge.

"I don't know Harry..." Louis growled irritated and surveyed the fridge.

"Well, do you want to go shopping? If there are nothing you like in there, we'd better buy something in," said Harry matter-of-factly.

"No thanks..." Louis said and took out an apple from the fridge. He was afraid that he would throw up if he ate too much.

"Right," said Harry, seeming slightly pacified now that Louis had the apple in his hand. "You're eating that?" he asked, nodding towards it. "That's not all I hope."

"Mmh..." Louis replied quietly and took a bite of the apple. He didn't know if he'd be able to eat.

"What else do you want?" Harry asked, gesturing to the table. "Sit down," he added. "I'll make you something."

Louis obeyed him and sat down at the table. "I don't know what I want..." He said silently.

"Well, you don't want me..." Harry muttered. It was a childish remark but it slipped out. His voice was at a normal volume when he said, "Well, am I going to have to decide then?"

Louis gave him a dead stare when he said those first words. "Sure..." He said coldly.

"Right," Harry said, slightly grumpily. "Shall I make some pasta? It's quick at least."

"Okay, do so." Louis replied shortly; he didn't like this atmosphere behind him and Harry right now. It was cold and stiff.

"Okay," said Harry and set about silently measuring out some pasta. He reckoned he'd just use some of the sauce he had in the fridge. "Do you want salad with it?" he asked, putting a pot on the stove.

"Sure..." Louis replied, he was now playing with his phone, texting to Liam. How are you doing? he texted.

 _Not bad. You?_ Liam texted back.

 _Dunno... Me and Harry have been fighting..._ Louis replied to Liam, watching Harry as he cooked food.

 _What happened?_ Liam texted back. Harry wasn't paying any attention to the proceedings; he was taking a small plastic container out of the fridge.

 _No we... We were just fighting..._ Louis replied and scratched his nose. He wondered if he and Harry were going to apologize to each other tonight or later. It worried him a bit.

_Okay, do you want me to come round?_

Harry was dumping some pasta into the pot, somewhat more violently than was necessary.

 _don't know if it's such a good idea..._ Louis replied and jerked a little by Harry's violent behaviour.

He wasn't used to an angry Harry.

 _Why not?_ was the reply.

Harry took out another pot and put it onto the stove. His expression was sullen. He dumped the sauce into the pan; some splashed onto his apron and he tutted in annoyance.

 _Harry's not in the mood._ Louis replied before putting his phone away, still watching Harry. He wanted Harry to smile and to be happy. Maybe he couldn't be happy with Louis right now... Maybe it was best if Louis left.

"Bread?" Harry asked shortly. He looked over at Louis, but he didn't smile.

"Mh. Sure." Louis replied shortly, looking at Harry with big blue eyes. He wondered if Harry actually would be happier without him. Without his flaws.

"Right," said Harry, grating something into the sauce. "It shouldn't take long," he added and came over to sit down at the table, his expression still unhappy and sullen.

Louis swallowed when Harry sat opposite of him, his gaze trailed down to his hands and he sighed inaudibly. Maybe he should've ended it right there; maybe he should've let the water take him...

Harry could sense Louis wasn't feeling right, so he resisted getting another jab in and instead said, "When do you want to go to bed?"

"I don't know... It doesn't matter..." Louis replied, scratching his ear a little. He tried to not look so sad but it was hard.

"Okay," said Harry. "So whenever?"

"Yeah, it doesn't really matter..." Louis replied, his voice shallow.

The sauce suddenly bubbled and Harry jumped up to stir it. Once it calmed down, he said, "We're sleeping in the same bed I suppose?" It was more of a question than a statement.

Louis shrugged. "I think so... what do you want?" he asked

"Oh, I want whatever you want," said Harry, just a little too sweetly - there was a hint of sarcasm.

Louis furrowed his brows, looking hurt for a moment before shaking his head. "I will sleep somewhere else..." he stated.

"Fine," said Harry, making blatantly clear by his tone that it wasn't fine. "It's ready now," he said, rising and taking out a plate to put all the food on. He began dishing it up.

"Thanks." Louis replied shortly, not minding that Harry didn't think it was good of him to sleep somewhere else. He went to Harry and took the plate from him and returned back to the table.

"Now," said Harry, sitting opposite him, "I would threaten to withhold sex for a week if you don't eat this, but of course that wouldn't be a punishment to you." His tone was bitter and there was a sort of passive anger clear in it. He smiled but it wasn't a happy smile; it was a sarcastic, fake-sweet one.

"Mhm..." Louis replied carelessly, poking in the food with his fork. His mind was somewhere else, somewhere where it didn't hurt.

Seeing Louis didn't respond to him Harry tried again. "Oh dear, I don't just turn you off; I bore you don't I?" Harry said in the same sickly-sweet tone.

"Please stop..." Louis whispered inaudibly, his voice didn't come up as loud as he wanted; it was only a weak whisper.

"Stop what?" said Harry and then before Louis could answer said, "Oh, stop talking? Right, okay." He clamped his mouth shut and gave him another fake smile.

"Stop talking like that! It sounds like I don't like you, like I don't like when I'm near you, like I don't care about you!" Louis suddenly screamed at stared at Harry with wet, teary eyes.

Harry jumped, seeming genuinely surprised that he had provoked such a reaction. "Louis..." He trailed off, not knowing how to respond.

"Why are you even acting like this? Why do you act like I don't care?!" Louis shouted, tears welling over and spilling down in his food.

Harry didn't say anything; he just sat staring at Louis wordlessly.

"Are you doubting my love for you or what do you mean with acting like this, huh?! What have I done? Sure we had a fight but why, WHY are you ACTING like THIS?!" Louis shouted, tears streaming down his cheeks in a hurry as he started sobbing hysterically.

Harry's eyes widened. "Lou..." he choked out. "You should eat something..." he added distractedly.

Louis shook his head. "Answer me first!"

"Forget it, Lou," said Harry grumpily. "Just eat your food."

Louis wiped off his tears and leaned backwards in the chair for a moment before turning his face to his plate and staring at the food. He put his fork into the food and rolled his fork around the spaghetti, the spaghetti forming around the fork then he put it into his mouth.

Harry seemed satisfied for now. "Do you like it?" he asked; there a faint hint of hopefulness in his voice, faint but there.

Louis nodded slightly, his stomach twisting a bit as he had swallowed the spaghetti. He continued eating slowly.

Harry looked at him and his expression was rather sad. He didn't say anything, just watched Louis eat.

After about five minutes Louis was finished with eating and his face had gone white from nausea but he hadn't move an inch since his plate had become empty.

"What's wrong, Lou?" Harry's tone still wasn't as soft and friendly as was his usual.

"I'm feeling a bit sick." Louis replied shortly, his tone being flat.

Harry frowned, looking suddenly worried. "Go up to bed," he said. "I'll bring you what you want..." He trailed off, embarrassed. "Are we not sharing...beds?" he asked, and a little of the snark in his voice returned.

"I don't know. What do you want? I don't think the atmosphere is good between us right now..." He whispered the last part.

"And why's that?" Harry asked.

"Because I just screamed at you and we've fought and I just want to run away from here..." Louis admitted.

"Well, I suppose you've answered my question. You want separate beds, don't you?" Harry shot out, his old anger returning.

"I don't know what I want! I just want you to tell me why we are fighting all of a sudden?!" Louis exclaimed, his face going paler.

"Oh, Lou," Harry said, laughing slightly bitterly. His voice rose. "I think we both have a good idea about THAT."

"Uhuh? Then tell me." Louis demanded, staring at Harry

"Well, for a start, you DON'T like my cooking, you DON'T like my body, and I turn you off!" Harry's voice had risen considerably and his face had reddened with anger.

Louis sat silently for a moment before he replied. "Harry... Don't ever think I don't like your body; I love your body and I love everything you do..." he said, looking at Harry with a softer gaze. It hurt Louis that Harry had those thoughts about him.

A tear rolled down Harry's face. He wiped it away roughly. "And then...you've not been eating and I've been feeling the strain...I...I'm sorry, Lou. I know you need me to be strong...and I'm not dealing...with this how...I should..." It was all said in a rush.

Louis rose from his chair and went over to Harry, putting his arms around him and drawing him close. "I'm so sorry Harry, I never meant for anything of this to happen but I'm just... I don't feel good but don't ever believe it's your fault... please..."

"Sorry..." Harry whispered, pulling Louis closer to him.

"It's okay... It's not your fault Harry..." Louis whispered, drawing Harry's scent into his lungs and holding him closer, rocking him a little.

Harry stayed there a moment longer then sniffed and straightened himself out. "You should go to bed, Lou," he said gently.

"Mm, I'm sure... " "We can go to bed together anyway." he then replied and looked at Harry.

Harry's eyes wre still red from crying. "I didn't cry," he lied. He didn't like other people to see him cry; he didn't like to admit to it. He preferred to seem more...together.

Louis just nudged his shoulder a little. "Come; let's just cuddle up in the bed..."

Harry went over and sat down on the bed, and smoothed the covers with one of his hands.

Louis plopped down beside him, watching him with his blue eyes and a small smile on his lips.

"Lou..." he began hesitantly.

"Yes Hazza?" Louis asked softly, looking at Harry.

"Do you really like my body?" he murmured.

"I love your body Harry. You are the most beautiful man in the world, both outside and on the inside," Louis immediately stated and stroked Harry's cheek.

"No, you are," said Harry, sliding his hand up Louis's arm.

Louis shook his head. "No, you are..."

"You're beautiful, Lou." Harry paused for a second; then he said, "Well, if I'm so beautiful...and you love my body...what are you waiting for?" He looked at him almost shyly after he said this.

Louis cheeks flushed a bit. "What are you waiting for?" he teased.

Harry blushed. "For you to show me..." he said mysteriously.

"Before I even start, are we friends now? I hate fighting with you..." Louis admitted and looked at Harry.

Of course, babe," said Harry sweetly.

Louis nodded happily. "I'm glad!" he exclaimed before he full out attacked Harry's neck with a soft bite.

Harry cried out and fell backwards, arching his neck to give Louis better access.

Louis started biting Harry's neck tenderly but still a bit demanding while his hands rushed over Harry's chest, his fingers swiftly unbuttoning Harry's shirt.

"Lou," Harry said breathily as Louis unbuttoned his shirt, "do you...want to do this?" He had been watching Louis's hands but now he looked straight into his eyes. He needed to be sure: sure this was the right thing to do.

"If you didn't notice earlier love, yes I want to do this." Louis said with a cheeky smile and traced his fingers through Harry's curls.

"Touch me..." Harry whispered even though Louis was already doing so. He loved the feel of Louis's fingers in his hair, and of Louis's lips pressed against his neck.

Louis smiled softly and nodded slightly with his head. "Of course..." he murmured while drawing his fingers smoothly through Harry's hair and tracing his fingers down Harry's chest while giving his neck soft kisses.

"Lou," Harry breathed, "I'm sorry." Maybe this wasn't the most appropriate time to be saying sorry, but he felt it was for the best. He sighed with satisfaction at the attention Louis was lavishing on his neck.

Louis looked at him and smiled softly. "It's okay love. It's okay..."

Harry smiled at that. "Lou..." he said, gulping and seeming unable to finish his sentence. He wasn't even sure where he was going with it. There were so many things he wanted to say.


End file.
